Wow, it’s June already! The moving date seems to be approaching faster now. I find initially the time drags, once you have decided on a date. But once it gets closer to the time, suddenly time seems to speed up and before you know it, it’s time to move. I have certainly found that to be true in the last 2 weeks. As it is now just over 3 weeks til moving day.

There was a story on NZ TV on a show called ‘3rd Degree’ last night, which was a story I was very interested in watching. Here is the link:

It was about an event that happened last year I think. I recall sending a letter of support to the lady who was in this story. It is about a lady who had PPP/PNS(postpartum psychosis/postnatal psychosis) and in her psychosis she cut her babies throat and then was in the process of cutting her own wrists when her husband found her. And they had sought help just 24 hours prior to this incident. With the doctor at the local hospital responding with “oh, she just has PND(postnatal depression), just take her to your GP”. Despite the fact that she was exhibiting very obvious symptoms of PPP/PNP.

Of course after the incident occurred the diagnosis was made and she was sent for a stay in a psychiatric facility. But I feel and many others feel, this incident could have been avoided if a doctor had really listened to her and given her the appropriate help.

But, oh my goodness, the comments I have been seeing on just FB alone about this story! Some people are just so quick to judge and persecute this women! They do not look at the fact that she had a traumatic birth and for some, this factor alone can trigger PPP/PNP and they do not look at the fact she sought help and was effectively fobbed off. They just judge her.

I personally have a lot of compassion for this women and her situation. As I know how hugely mental health, hospitals and/or the medical profession can fail so many people.

I mean, gosh, you do the right thing and try and get help and you get fobbed off and next minute, these horrific headlines happen, which honestly could have been avoided.

There is this whole push and encouragement to seek help. Yet often people do and they are not given the help they so desperately need. And people wonder why some just don’t bother to reach out…

And maybe it doesn’t make me a whole lot of friend’s disagreeing with these judgemental types. But hey, I don’t know them, they don’t know me and I am going to support someone if I believe in them.

Unless you have experienced this level of psychosis, I feel it is not fair to judge. But people will have their own opinions and stance on this and they are entitled to that, as am I.

I cried many times through the story when I watched it last night. I cried about her seeking help and being fobbed off, I cried about her getting to such a point that she took the actions she took, I cried about her not being allowed to see her baby, I cried watching her respond to her husbands recollection of the events on that day when this incident occurred and then I cried when the not guilty verdict came in and she finally was allowed her daughter home again.

People moan about, how can they give her baby back, when she did what she did. But they forget, she is never ever allowed to be left alone with her daughter and she does have to live with what she did for the rest of her life.

I am glad though, she got the help and she is now doing so well. Back to her former self.

Right, onto another subject.

So I did end up mentioning to my CMH(community mental health) nurse about how I really felt the need for respite last week, but was unable to talk to her about it, due to her visit being cut short. And I said to her I did manage to get through the week, via self-medicating with a fair bit of chocolate LOL! And she asked me if I would still like to have some respite, before it gets too close to the moving date. And I said yes, that would be good. So she has arranged it and I get to have 2 nights in respite. Which will be tomorrow afternoon until Sunday. Which should be good, to just get me away for a little bit from my everyday life, responsibilities and stress for a short time, before it’s full steam ahead with moving duties. So I hope those few days are beneficial. As I seem to be getting more stress thrown my way lately. As it seems you sort out 1 stress and then before I know it, I am presented with yet another stress and then another.

As, money stress seems to be it presently. As we are on a payment holiday with the finance company and then suddenly they try and take a payment out, without informing us that they plan to do this and now we are in debit of $165! And then someone from a different part of their team calls us today and says the payment starts in 2 weeks and then another person says, yesterday. Argh! Stress!

And we are like, ok, this is not ideal. And then I go and pick my 10 month old up from daycare and I am told we owe the childcare place nearly $700! And I am like, how?! As WINZ(work & income) pay the subsidy and we pay the remainder, so how is there an arrears? I said to the admin lady, in theory I think CYFS(child, youth & family) should have to pay for any stuff up, as it was them who imposed this compulsory childcare on us. And we have paid exactly what the remainder not covered by the WINZ subsidy is, so it is in no way our stuff up. I just do not need anymore stress.

As I always quietly in the back of my mind, start blaming myself for all of this. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.

Last week, my stressed was nearly added to, after my sister’s ex went and told her I was worried about living in her flat(the one we will be renting) and about her taking her moods out on me. And she very nearly was going to tell us to find somewhere else to live. Thankfully my Mum talked her out of this. And she asked me about this and I reassured her, this was actually quite some time ago that I had said this and I no longer have those concerns and I was quite stressed myself at the time and I tend to over worry and get over sensitive and over-react at times like this. So thankfully she appreciated my honesty and thanked me for it and has stopped stressing.

A few days ago, my fiance’s computer monitor died. So he took over my computer, then took over my tablet and then ended up taking over the TV, by using it as a monitor! And I was like, really?! You are THAT addicted to your computer?! I was so damn bored yesterday with no source of technology, I was nearly desperate enough to do housework, simply to occupy my boredom! Thankfully my friend came and saved the day and visited at that time. And thankfully I remembered another friend has a husband who works in I.T and I asked her if they had a spare monitor, which they do, so yay, crisis averted 🙂

Ok. So I am done with my blog entry for today and I will post again at some point. I must say, I am really looking to tomorrow afternoon and my stay in respite. I really need it right now!