Category: Misunderstandings


Firstly, to my ex who clearly does read my blog.  Do not read my post and then turn around and call me a hypocrite and suggest that I do not have empathy and compassion. What I write in here is MY TRUTH and MY PERSPECTIVE.

Secondly, I do have emotions, even though I may not bare them for all the world to see.  I do get effected, I do feel like crying at times and I do cry.  I am not consistently ‘up’ like some people perceive me to be.  I do still have lows.  Just because I am not drawing attention to the fact, does not mean that I am constantly in an up mood.

Yes, my blog is somewhere I can tell my truth and be completely honest.  And yes, it is an insight into my mind, my thoughts, my feelings and my emotions.  But please remember, this is all from my perspective.  Misinterpretation is bound to happen, as we all have a unique perspective, a unique view of the world and people can attempt to understand and may relate, but no one is ME.

I feel quite undermined by how certain people and you know who you are, try to put everything down to BPD (borderline personality disorder).  Forgetting I have not actually been diagnosed with the disorder itself, but traits of this disorder.  What must be remembered is that there is actually quite a spectrum and sliding scale on this disorder and some people are on the lower side, some on the medium side and some on the high side. I urge you to keep this in mind.

I am Kelly.  I am not my disorder.  My Mental Illness is a part of me, but it does not define me, it is not my personality, it is just there in varying waves and intensities.

I urge you to also remember that I am a highly intelligent person, with a lot of insight and knowledge in many fields and yes, quite the expert on Mental Health from a learned and lived experience of it.  And call me arrogant, but I am most definitely the expert when it comes to MY Mental Health.  Remember, I have been living with it much of my life.

This blog post might be interpreted by certain people as a dig at them, but it is not.  It is simply me speaking MY truth.

Currently I am somewhat isolated and restricted to go wherever I like, whenever I like. Because I am not a complete cunt and I have allowed my ex to use my car battery for his car, which I did pay for and happily changed into his ownership before I left, as him being able to transport the kid’s around is more of a priority.  But weirdly I am apparently not empathetic or compassionate… Interesting interpretation I must say.  Thankfully I have someone in my life who helps me get out and about when they are free.

So apparently my ex thinks I need to know that thing’s have turned to shit at home because I left and I am not a very good parent presently.  Um, yeah, why would you think that would benefit me to know?!  Sound’s like a great boost for one’s self-esteem NOT! Granted, thing’s have changed there big time and it is a huge change and adjustment, but I do not need to be persecuted and attacked because of that.

Yes, walking away from a 9 year relationship is huge and I am not denying that.

But sometimes you have got to be a bit selfish and put yourself first.

You should not stay in a relationship you are unhappy with, unsatisfied with and uncommitted to.  Staying is way more damaging for everyone.  And yes, someone will get hurt and it will shatter them and it will take a long time to heal from that.  But ultimately it is for the best.  Though for the one hurting right now, that can not be fully appreciated. Though one day it will make sense.  Life will make sense again and the pain will fade and that hurt WILL heal.

I do love my children, though my family and ex are doubting that fact right now.  My decision will benefit the children in the long run.  Better to have 2 happy parents eventually, then 1 happy parent and 1 miserable parent staying just because society and many others think it is what is best.  It is actually proven to be more damaging to the children to have the unhappy parent stay in the long run.  Children are not naive, they know when thing’s are less then ideal at home.

Do you know one thing I appreciate the most about my friend’s?  They let me be me. They allow me to speak openly, honestly and unfiltered.  They get me.  They never judge me. They never make me feel bad about myself.  They encourage me.  They really understand me.  I know I can tell them anything and nothing will change.  They will still be that beautiful, inspiring, loyal, trustworthy, unique and life changing person I will always cherish.  I choose my friend’s wisely.  So to those I call friend’s, you are fucking awesome, beautiful, inspiring, unique diamond’s to me.  And I am glad you came into my life!  And I have high standards you know, so not just anybody passes the friend test.  Just saying…

I think I have been VERY distracted by the internet today.  As it is now 5:45am.  And I clearly have not been blogging all that time.

Yeah, so, I should go do some sleeping aye.

Ciao.  Thankx for reading and following.

 

 

I have come to realize, increasingly, these things can all get you misunderstood, can be misread and the intention or message can be meant one way and be taken completely a different way.

Written word, via text, blog, email, posts can all be taken the wrong way.

I try so hard to make sure I say things in a way that is understood for what it is.

But it seems, some can take a post, text, email, just written word in general to mean something, that it wasn’t.

They can feel, something you have written about yourself and your feelings, was aimed at them or as a result of their actions, when it never was.

Just due to the timing of things.

Maybe I shouldn’t hide my downward spirals for so long and this might hopefully be avoided.

I find, talking in person or on the phone, is a lot more of a reliable method of communication, where it is less likely things can be taken the wrong way. Though, things still can be taken the wrong way on occasion.

Because, people don’t know what you are thinking when you write an email, post or text and don’t always see it for what it is.

I am learning increasingly, that people don’t get me, like I thought they did and that, I may think they understand what I am communicating and then realize they have not and they’ve taken it the wrong way.

Though, in saying that, some people do get me and what I’m saying. So don’t feel disheartened.

It’s hard when you live in your own world and have your own understanding and view of the world. Have your own perspective and you forget, no matter how hard you try and explain some things, they will never be seen your way and from your perspective by all. As others have a different perspective, different experience of the world and different understanding of things.

You think, I say it, they get it. Yeah, nah, apparently not always.

Misunderstandings. Never fun!

Not everyone misunderstands you or I, but some will. How to get around this, I have no idea.

Seems I have offended people at a few points and come to realize this later. Seems I have made some people feel to blame for things, which they weren’t, due to the timing of things.

We do need to try and remember, we are responsible for our own feelings and our response to things.

Though it is easy to blame others.

I know I am responsible for my reaction to things and my own feelings. That is all on me.

Sometimes, all this happens. You get misunderstood over and over again and feel like, fuck it, just fuck it! I give up. Why bother?!

Why bother? Cause it’s not ALWAYS like this. But sometimes it is. But that is unfortunately life. No matter how much that sux.

Today I have been an emotional mess. But that is because it’s the 32nd Anniversary of my Dad’s death. So I can be forgiven for crying most of the day.

Anything and everything is setting me off. So annoying! But these feeling are there and need to be felt, not ignored.

Feelings, emotions, they are all there for a reason. All serve a purpose. So I feel, they shouldn’t be ignored and you shouldn’t try and distract yourself from them. As, you’ll likely suffer for longer then you need to.

Just it can be damn frustrating when you can’t work out the source or reason behind them. But eventually you do. It’s like you get this sudden clarity. Or as Dr Phil likes to say an ‘a-ha’ moment.

I know it drives me mad when I am feel a certain way and I can’t put my finger on the cause. I feel like I must know and when I don’t, I get annoyed.

As I figure, once I know the cause or trigger I can work through it or overcome it.

I am so hoping I don’t go through another extremely long(in my opinion) period of depression like this again. Though, that is always a possibility with depression.

Like 6 weeks. I was like, are you kidding me?! It usually last 2-3 weeks. Though it has lasted about this long at least 1 other time this year.

That’s all I think. Might go eat some breakfast.