Category: weddings


This week… Argh!  This week has been stressful.  Between unplanned and unbudgeted wedding expenses and my fiance’s moods, it has been hard.

The unplanned expenses which I had not budgeted for, therefore had no money set aside for was the first lot of stresses.  So I had to use food money to pay for 1 of those things and then apply for a food grant, which was approved, but minimal.  And the second expense I can hopefully cover with a refund I am getting.

Lately I have been finding my fiance quite moody.  And I am having to remind him to not be so grumpy and negative towards my oldest daughter and to watch his language.  He then goes and takes that as me not supporting him and me undermining him, which it totally isn’t and then he has a sulk.

I know I am a Mum and a parent, but I do not feel that therefore makes me qualified to mediate or try and counsel between my daughter and fiance.

Matter of the fact is, I feel like my fiance just responds to me challenging him regarding my oldest daughter, with excuses and that is not on.

I have fought really hard to keep her in my care and I know part of her unhappiness is due to their strained relationship.  I can totally sympathize with the fact that sometimes my daughter says she wishes it was just her and I.

Any decent man in their right mind should know that children come first ahead of all things.  Them included!

Today was exceptionally stressful. As it seemed my fiance woke up in a bad mood, due to staying up too late doing who knows what on the computer.  And he starts having a bitch at me for heading down to the car and not brushing our daughters hair.  I was like “what?!”, “if you wanted me to do that just ask, instead of bitching at me for not doing it”.  I think it’s bullshit that I can given shit for something I was not asked to do.  So he continued on being a moody shit for the next hour.  I said to him that it is not fair to take it out on others due to being tired and grumpy, due to his choice to stay up so late.

Then later he starts bitching at me about the wedding and saying it is more like my wedding then our’s.  Honestly, after this it was really doing my head in.  I said to him it is hardly fair to whinge about the choices I made after the fact and reminded him I discussed ideas with him way before making finals decisions.  So he did have plenty of opportunity to say, hey, I’m not so keen on that idea.

Then after school our youngest daughter was in a mood and kept whinging and he ends up only responding when my daughter does something and directs his bad mood at her.  Which of course I call him out on and he gets more moody and sulks.

By the time I was half way to the supermarket I was just so over everything.  It was all just stressing me out so much and I just wanted to run away and go slash my wrists.  Yeah, not a wise thing to do.  I am just finding stress really hard to deal with.

Tonight my fiance got in a mood again and was swearing and swearing at my daughter too.  Again, as you would expect, I told him that was not on.  And again he started to have a sulk.

It’s like enough already!!!

So yeah, the title of this blog is wishful thinking.  I am hoping this storm is going to pass and things will become calm.

I am not sure how well I will cope if things do not calm down.  I already want to run away.

I have been eating healthy this week, as I am sick of hating how my body looks and knowing it is my bad eating habits that is causing all this weight gain and unsightly fat.  I am sick of seeing my slim photos and longing to look like that again.  It is time to start working towards that goal and stop making excuses.

I did eat more pancakes for dinner tonight then was healthy.  So I did do something that was not so healthy.  I made myself throw up as much of it as I could.  Yeah, yeah, I know it’s not healthy.  Don’t worry I am not planning on making a habit of it.

So, our wedding is only 7 days away.  And this week had started out calm and I was feeling ok.  But lately I have been feeling quite stressed and honestly really quite low and depressed.

I hope the next 7 days go well.  I know the weather is not planning on being particularly kind for the next week.  But hey, what can ya do?.  Not much.

My fiance is being ‘realistic’ and mentioning all that could go wrong with the possibly muddy reserve.  This realism is not helpful to me.  I am trying to stay calm and just take things as they come.

My friend has been sick most of this week, so sadly I have not seen her yet this week.  I really enjoy hanging out with her. We can be real with each other and totally honest.  I really cherish our friendship.

I finally went to the cemetery and found my friend who committed suicides plot.  It felt weird.  I guess because he was cremated and also because I don’t know if his ashes are there are not.  It is quite hard to connect with the reality still.

I am still on weekly pick up with my Quetiapine which is annoying.  But those are the consequences for misusing your medication and getting caught out.

I was supposed be doing some kind of journalling that the grief counselling suggested, but that hasn’t happened as yet.  I can’t even remember where I put the piece of paper that explained it.

I’m pretty sure there was more I wanted to write about, but I am just so drained that I can’t remember.

Anyway, thank you for reading.

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Just use the comments to post your opinions on this.

I am trying to decide what to do with regards to my older sister, who I invited to my upcoming wedding.

As I wrote about recently I had an CYFS (child, youth and family) FGC (family group conference) review. And my older sister is one of the people who oppose me continuing to have my oldest daughter in my care.  She said some very horrible things about how she perceives my fiance and I as parents and strongly advocates for her being removed from my care. She also has been communicating with my oldest daughters ex-carers for quite some time.

She (my older sister) apparently loves me, but does not like me.  I had invited her to my wedding a few months back, as I thought she had gotten over her bitterness and dislike for me.

So my question is, should I still have her come to my wedding or should I ask her not to come?

As I am not someone who is bitter or unforgiving.  But in saying that, she said some really hurtful things and it is hard knowing she feels the way she does.

I am stuck as to what to do, as she is family.  Which is important to me, but it doesn’t seem that important to her.

Please can you give me your opinion on this.  Thank you 🙂