I never thought I could find a love like this. Most of my teenage and adult life I thought I did not deserve it.
I do not know why. Why I thought I was not worthy of real, true, honest love. So I always settled for less. I always feared letting someone like this in.
I would self sabotage and push anyone capable of this love away.
I can not tell you where these feelings of inadequacy came from.
For I have seen true love. That is what I believe my mother and step father have.
Having this kind of love is beautiful, a blessing and I do deserve it. But how scary it is. After pushing it away for so much of my life and denying myself the opportunity to feel it and give it.
It is clear why it is scary, as it is a huge risk, putting your heart out there and trusting another not to break it. But I am not the only one taking the risk, I am not the only one who is scared. And that is a beautiful thing.
I never dreamed I could or would find somebody like this. And just like they always say, that person comes along right when you are not looking.
I was not looking for love. I was not even looking for a partner.
How sweet that we found one another.
I have been on Tumblr for the last hour looking at posts about love. And how some people describe it is perfect.
I find it especially true how many say, that person, they light up the room, they are the light in the darkness, they ignite a spark within you, hearing their voice makes you smile, recieving a text from them brings you joy and they are the one you always look for in a crowded room. And they feel those exact same thing’s for you.
It is amazing having someone who ignites a spark in me and who wants to nurture and grow that spark. Who wants to stand alongside me as I grow and whom I want to do the same for.
I am not used to this. I am not used to having a partner who feels so deeply for me and who thinks the world of me. Who wants to lift me up, instead of tear me down.
And who truly gets me!
I love that he can read me. How he pays close attention and knows if I am feeling down and depressed. He knows without me even having to say a word. And he cares, really cares. Knowing I can always be unfiltered with him and just be me, however that feels at any time, is priceless.
If I tell him I am anxious, panicked, depressed and self doubting. He gets it. He understands 100%.
Actually being able to feel however I feel and just be me and that be okay, is amazing!
I am not used to a relationship like this. And of course there are no complaints from me about having such a relationship.
Wow! Just wow!
He has captured my heart and I have captured his. And he knows who he is ☺
And yes, he does read my blog. And not to check up on me like the ex. He reads it because he cares about me and he is interested.
He is such a sweetheart 💖
And well, I also think he is sexy as fuck and hot as hell!
I am SO lucky 😃