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FML (Fuck My Life) is the perfect way to describe how I feel lately.

Just stressed in a few areas. And I feel so crap all the time.

I have felt like self harming a few times, but thankfully haven’t and have had a few fleeting desires suicide wise.

My energy levels are like non-existent. I have no energy! I feel tired all the time! And I have no idea why.

I do need to go to the GP, but I owe over $50 and I don’t think they let you make an appointment when your debt is over $45 and it’s been in debt for over a month. Also I’m pessimistic of whether I will be taken seriously, based on previous experience. I feel I get fobbed off, when really I need to be taken seriously and I need the GP to look into what the issue is causing this low energy and constant low mood.

I’m SO moody, grumpy, sensitive, irritable, emotional and just a bloody mess! I can hardly bear myself and I have no idea how anyone else can deal with me. It feels like how I react isn’t even a conscious thing. I’ll react and then think to myself, why am I reacting like that?

I feel like it’s hormonal, physical and mental. I definitely feel effected in all those areas.

I was talking to my partner about how I wish I could just get drunk, just so as to feel something other then utter crap. And I cried just talking about it. My emotions are so on edge. I feel for him, having to deal with me at the moment. It can’t be easy.

I have definitely found the school holidays that are about to finish, very difficult. I just feel like I have not had the energy for the kids and found my tolerance quite low at times. It was quite hard when my oldest daughter was here, seeing her level of anxiety. It can’t be easy for her. And from what I’ve read from her carers, things are really difficult for her with them and at high school. I would like to try get her back in my care. But I feel like I’d need to secure a bigger place and be closer to family location wise.

I feel like some of my physical health problems are effecting my energy and aggravating other physical health problems. Like I feel like coming up to ‘that time of month’ I get a little constipated and going number 2’s aggravates my cervix, causing my cervical prolapse to become worth, which then causes bleeding before ‘that time of month’ and my cervix prolapsing aggravates the nerves in my back, causing back pain. And I already get the back pain during ‘that time of month’ any way. Then I am drained with ‘that time of month’ and PMSing during that time too. It feels like PMS all day, every day! I will be SO angry if I go to the GP eventually and I get no answers. This is NOT living! This is existing and that sux!

Bills. Oh they suck! You get on top of some and then before you can relax, another and it’s somehow overdue already! If it wasn’t for my repairs and buying mobiles, tablets/iPads or iPods for cheap and selling for a profit, things would be so much worse.

There is a really well priced office for rent in Stoke, but the issue is, where do we come up with the extra $50 a week to pay for that and also, power for it. I really like it and the location, but how to make it happen? As I feel like I don’t have enough work to afford it. But it’s like a double edged sword, like I shouldn’t forever put opportunities on hold, but also, I don’t have enough work yet. I wish I could have a home office. I like the idea of a small business loan, but is it affordable? And where would be affordable and can I earn enough to pay it back and is it a realistic option? I don’t feel like it would need to be a very big loan, just enough to get stock and advertising material, but only necessary, as in like flag/banner or sign. Something that you only have to pay for once.

So far advertising wise, I have 2 car magnets, a bumper sticker on my car and got 250 business cards printed for my business. I must say, loving Vistaprint prices!

Argh! I get so stressed when I’ve got things for sale and I get people enquiring, but no-one buying. Or asking to buy, then mucking me around and not buying.

I don’t look forward to going to bed at night or sleep. As it’s like, yay, lets have a sleep, only to wake up and still feel tired ALL THE TIME!

Ok, I think I’ve done enough venting now. I think I might drink a coffee…at nearly 10:30pm, just because.

Thanks for reading and following to those of you who follow my blog. I’m sorry there’s not a lot of positive much of the time, but yeah, I’m being real. I wish things were better ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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Honestly I have no idea what is up with me the last few months.

My emotions have been a bloody rollercoaster! I feel like I’m constantly in a bad mood, or sensitive mood. I feel jumpy and anxious. I get upset so easily. I get irritated so easily.

I feel nearly constant fatigue which sucks. As it gives me very little motivation.

Totally hating my body. Of course it is my fault it is like this. I do end up being slack and ignoring my diet to some degree. I’m sure my diet probably isn’t helping with the above matters.

I just feel like something is up with me. I don’t feel these moods are normal or healthy.

It’s not been an easy last few months. We have had 3 of our pet rats pass away. Well 1 of them we had put to sleep. It’s been hard in different ways losing them each. The first one was quite traumatic to be honest. She had a tumour, which we had paid $300 for the vet to remove, but it came back within a few weeks and far worse. She started biting on it and causing it to bleed a lot and within 2 days of her doing this, she started fading pretty fast. On her last day, my partner handed her to me, as his Dad took him out for coffee and within a minute of being given her, I knew something was up and she was very rapidly fading away and went floppy. I tried to give her mouth to mouth, with no success and before I knew it she was gone. I was distraught. I still held on to her for several hours afterwards, giving her snuggles.

Then a week or so after that, we had to have our oldest rat put down, who was our first rat. As he also had a tumour and had been biting on it and it just kept spreading and he ending up being in a lot of pain. So we took him to the vet and had him put to rest. That too was traumatic in it’s own way. Mostly the handing him over to the vet and him trying to reach back to us. You kind of feel like you are betraying their trust.

The last rat we lost, she was our 2nd rat, the oldest female rat. She seemed to have a small lump, but I think it was doing it’s damage internally to be honest. I think over the period of about a week, she just seemed to be getting slower and weaker. Though she was still defying odds and leaping around and attempting to be lively til the very end. Even going for a burst down the driveway only 1/2 an hour before she passed away. I’d say her passing was easier to deal with, as we knew she was going that way, so we had time to come to grips with the fact she would be leaving us.

I think to some degree I am still somewhat numb to all the loss. I’m just in general very low and sensitive.

I guess I should go to the GP at some point and see if there is actually any reason behind these moods and low energy.

I think I will leave this post at that. I don’t feel like I have much else to say at the moment.

Thanks for reading

The spaces in between posting on my blog seem to be quite long. Well at least they feel that way to me.

It feels like too much effort. Though it is worth the effort.

The motivation to actually come and write in here is hugely lacking, part of that is due to anxiety. And to be fair, I shouldn’t have anxiety about this, it is supposed to be my safe place.

How my anxiety works at times is feeling like I always need to be doing something, or feeling like there is something I should be doing but I’m not, almost like I’m putting something off. I even have anxiety when I’m not doing anything. I do find it quite hard to just ‘chill’. I feel like that lack of ability to just relax, I compensate it by drinking alcohol sometimes. It’s like I’m using the effect of alcohol to force my brain to just take a break.

But alcohol can also have a negative effect on me at times, if I drink more then I should. I find and my partner finds I get quite selfish and I don’t have as much regard for others. It’s pretty shit really.

I always have this fear and anxiety playing in the back of my mind, especially when there is stress, of losing the plot and having somewhat of a breakdown. I guess that just comes with the territory after the fact of having a ‘major depressive episode’ and losing the ability to cope.

As observed in the past, I feel I have a low tolerance for distress. But maybe I am being hard on myself and maybe my tolerance isn’t as low as I believe.

I think some of my anxiety about blogging has come about a few years ago actually. Back when my ex found out I had been lying and then he decided to share my blog page with others. It definitely caused a hindrance in this feeling like my safe place. I started worrying about who might be reading. As it was meant to be a somewhat private thing. There for those who experience similar things or want to understand. I think I am slowly getting over the fear of worrying about who might be reading. So hopefully I can get back to posting more.

I had a bit of an intense time just before Xmas. Basically something I had done in the past got shared with certain people in my life now and it especially effected things with regards to my partner and I. It effected trust (his trust towards me) and that is a big thing. I was devastated that this past event came out. I was sure I would lose the only guy I truly want forever. And losing him is like losing a big part of me. I initially denied things and then tried to make the problem go away by making him feel like shit for not trusting me, which was not cool of me, it was a desperate move. Then I went and deleted and blocked a few people on his Facebook as well as mine and all the conversations. And naturally that set of alarm bells. As you may have guessed, I did end up admitting to things. And I explained why I never told him and why I lied. It was simply out of fear. I thought I would lose him for sure and I just can’t live without him.

As a result of all this, I have made sure I am completely transparent with him now. And I don’t hide things. Also, he felt like he was always making the effort in our relationship. So he felt it was time I actually make an effort. Which is fair enough. I guess despite how much I like affection and intimacy, over the many years with previous relationships of not having those needs met, I’ve become somewhat cold myself. And obviously I did not realize that previously.

We are definitely in a better place now and I am starting to feel secure again in our relationship. As previously I was feeling really insecure and fearful he would just turn around and leave. Especially in the first week. When he would go for long walks I would worry he would come back and break up with me or that he would just not come back. I was worried because I had hurt him so much, that he might kill himself.

Regarding suicide, I’ll admit that at times it is still a fleeting thought. Especially in times of stress, when I am feeling low and like a failure and fuck up. With that usual depressive think of, “they’d all be better off without me”.

I still struggle with the self doubt and self hate where I think I am just a bad, horrible person and I don’t deserve anything good. The whole “I’m not good enough” and “they deserve better” and “what are they doing with a fat piece of shit like me”. Yeah, that’s the real me. The dark thoughts I have about myself. I think my body is disgusting, I blame myself for letting it get this way and to be fair, it was me that put all that crap food in my body and made me this way. I struggle hugely with looking in the mirror. I absolutely hate what I see whether I am dressed or naked. I just can not handle the reality of what I see. I really hope I force myself this year to stick to my New Years resolution of losing this weight.

The depressive thinking sux. But it’s so natural. The whole not seeing the good stuff, well not often anyway. The honing in on all the negatives and holding on to all that and fixating on that. The simply forgetting there is good and has been good things. All the good stuff is always so far from my mind. And I don’t mean to be this way. It’s certainly not intentional.

And oh man! The mess I am when I miss doses of my antidepressants! It shows me that way back in 2013 something really did change with me, my brain and my mental state. I am not the same as I was before that. And yeah, there are some positives to that. But the negative is how fast I spiral back down if I miss doses. It’s scary! Basically panic attacks return for no reason, constant feelings of despair and just basic utter lack of hope in life. It’s not a good place.

I’m still working on building my home business. Slowly trying to find ways to get my name out there and find more business. It’s not easy of course. As some amount of advertising does require spending money.

Currently I am feel quite worried and stressed out, as I missed this weeks rent, I have no WOF (warrant of fitness), I owe $40 to the council, $43 to the GP, I’m pretty sure I am possibly behind on the power bill, I owe the landlord money for water rates, I’m not sure how we are going to make the next payment on the credit card and things I have bought cheap to resell to help pay for some of these things, are just not selling. I am quietly constantly thinking about that. So I am probably seeming quite snappy to others. And I just kind of distance myself and go off and sit quietly in another room often. Cause I am stressing about it.

My 14 year old daughter is staying with us at the moment, until Tuesday. And she seems to be going through similar to what I did at her age. And it is hard to stop her from worrying and reassure her enough. But at least she talks to me about it, which is definitely a good thing. As at her age, with the very same fears, I actually didn’t tell anyone. I just kept it to myself. The fears she have are about dying, especially dying in her sleep or not waking up or just having something wrong with her and suddenly dying and the other fear is that she will stop breathing. I had both those fears too at her age. I would have the most intense and scary panic attacks about dying and I do still have panic attacks about dying these days, not as intense, but still pretty often. And the stopping breathing thing, I found eventually you can prove to yourself that fear is invalid. Generally eventually I found that if you try to hold your breathe for a certain amount of time, you just can’t after a while and that breathing is an automatic thing that your body does. But yes, I too did have that very real fear that I would stop breathing and would consciously make sure I would still keep myself breathing, until such a time as I learnt that I would just keep breathing no matter what.

My daughter does also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks at times. And she finds it very overwhelming and scary. It’s not an easy time being a teenager, so much going on and so many changes. You really do forget as an adult what an intense time teenage years were, until a teenager reminds you. It is a very intense and vulnerable time in life.

I’ve just today finished watching a series on Netflix. Which I’m sure some of you would have heard of by now, maybe even watched. It’s called “13 Reasons Why”. It is about a teenage girl in college/high school who killed herself and left 13 tapes explaining why she did it and who she blamed. I found it a very interesting series. I like that it explored things not just from her perspective, but others too. How what she did effected them, what happened for them during those few weeks in college personally, the effect it had on the school, the students, the parents and the very huge effect all of this had. It covered many different subjects that do happen to many or have happened to many in the past. It covers suicide, depression, self harm, rape, bullying, social media, slut shaming, gossip and also the extent some people will go to, to cover their own arse. I did find the very graphic scene of her cutting her wrists and bleeding out in the bath hard to watch. It did make me feel this horrible feeling within myself, it also made me feel ill. It’s hard to describe the feeling, it’s like watching someones last moment and knowing that’s the end, there’s no coming back from that and they are about to die and that is it. The only way I guess I can describe that feeling is exactly how I felt when I was told my best friend had killed himself. This sheer horror, where you are frozen in time, knowing nothing will ever be the same from then on.

https://www.facebook.com/anonews.co/videos/1207466685931555/

Typical that when I decide I’m going to make a post, my iPad decides it’s on 10%.  So, I will try get a decent post in before the battery runs out.

It’s been a few months since I posted a decent blog post.  Not that there has been a lack of things to blog about.

I kind of feel like I don’t really know how the fully relax most of the time.  I feel like I need to always be doing something or working on something and I also feel,like there’s a lot I need to do that I’m not.  It’s like operating on some level of anxiety all the time.  I guess because financially there are a lot of up and downs.  

I always have at the back of my mind that debt I have mostly created and how I have been really irresponsible with regards to that debt and what’s worse is that it is under my partners name.  And he had never had any kind of debt and was apprehensive about getting things on credit. In case basically this situation happened.  And I reassured him that we would make regular payments and I’d keep on top of it.  And I for the most part haven’t.  And I feel like shit about that.  Examples being, when I have asked to use the credit card to purchase something to fix and resell for a profit, which would then go back on the card to cover the debt plus extra. Then I wouldn’t follow through and only some of the profit of resale would go back on.  Sometimes I would reinvest the profit to make more profit, but the majority of the time not all of the profit would go back on the card.

I am a true Borderline Personality with regards to financial matters and spending money I in theory don’t have, with out regard for the consequences.  And often I would try and ignore my feelings or guilt and failure by drinking.  Yeah not helpful I know.

I got really upset and stressed and depressed on Thursday night due to our overdue power bill, huge debt, feeling I have let my partner down big time, feeling like a failure, a fuck up, a burden, car on empty, no spare money, not selling anything as yet that I put time and money into getting operating and feeling like there’s no way out of this mess.  So I did my usual unhelpful behavior and took more then my normal dose of Quetiapine, so as to ignore reality for at least the next day and not deal with shit.  Not very helpful behavior either when someone ends up wanting my help with their laptop and compatibility testing the next day and I end up looking like I don’t not what the hell I’m doing due to be off my face and doped up on Quetiapine.  I would say I worried a few people on Friday, due to a very early FB post simply saying “Fuck Everything!” and then turning my phone off.  I just didn’t want to deal with anything at all.

I fair the potential of starting my business more extensively.  In case I just go fuck up the businesses finances in a big way, due to living outside my means and making a mess of the whole thing.  Also some of that fear most likely stems from lack of success in the past and never having found my ‘thing’, the one little something that I’m really good at.  I’m just used to just existing and barely living.  I’m not familiar with the concept of success.

Also, I do fear the unknown, like many and that is always a daunting thing.

I was thinking of creating a WordPress for my business.  As I feel it’s much more customizable then then Wix and I like being able to tag keywords.  I’d say that would definitely be a benefit to WordPress.  Plus, come on, WordPress is just AWESOME.

I have nearly finished the 22 week Small Business Course, which is a huge achievement.  As I’ve barely ever finished any course in the past.  It is definitely a worthwhile course and I am glad I decided to attend it.  I have learnt a lot about what considerations need to be taken when starting a new business.

2 of our girl rats had babies.  Eevee had 7 and Rosie had 9 ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ€

I really don’t feel like I can stop stressing until we’ve found money to pay the power bill and sold more things so we can put money on the credit card debt.  I hate how terrible I am with money.  It makes me feel so crap about myself.

Another thing that really got me down on Thursday night was the reality check via the mirror and the very real reality check via the scales.  I have been in denial about the reality of my weight gain.  Choosing to find ways to try and hide the extra weight, instead of acknowledging it and attempting to do something about it.  I am currently so overweight, that I am literally 6 kgs away from my heaviest ever, which by the way was when I was at the end of my pregnancy with my youngest.  This is the heaviest I have been outside of pregnancy ever!  All the weight I lost after I had my son, I have gained back plus more.  I’m nearly 30 kgs away from my goal weight.  Honestly, I am disgusted with myself.  I am solely to blame for all this extra weight.

I think I should actually try get some sleep now.  As its 3:11am

Thanks for reading.  

I was just reading this and watching the video attached to this and definitely found a lot of the video very true and relatable.

I really appreciate articles like this that help explain BPD to others as well as myself. It makes me feel less alone and a sense of normality and comfort 

It seems like ages since I last posted anything. Maybe because a lot has been on since I last posted and I’ve had plenty to post about, but just not had the energy to post.

So that job offer went as far as an interview, which went well. Though the company decided not to employ anyone extra at present, due to them being new to Nelson and they want to see how they do in Nelson before looking to employ anyone new.

I did do a couple of weeks work at another mobile repair store, but that was a waste of my time and skills for the most part. I only got to do repairs the first few days and then I just got lumped with admin crap and no more repairs. Then I was paid an insult of wage and given bullshit excuses why my hours got cut from part time to on call. That on call basically being a pussy of a way to fire me without doing so formally. Though on the plus side I did learn about their computer software and how to use it, so if I need that kind software for my own business I know my way around it well.

I think my adult female rat is pregnant again. So it will be interesting to see how many she has this time.

We have been getting a lot more sorted with our business. We went to an IRD seminar on how tax works within business. We will be doing a small business course later this month. Wes(my partner) has been doing a lot of work on our business plan and the budget, as well as researching.

As a result of me buying a laptop that needed repairs, I ended up buying a few MacBooks on Trade Me and fixing them up. It took a while to work out the issue with one of them. I did a fair bit of research online to troubleshoot the issue. The initial few things that came up as possibilities were not the issue. It turned out the laptop had a faulty CCFL which is a fluorescent light that controls the brightness of the screen. Thankfully I had a spare working one. Originally I thought, based on my research, that it was the inverter, but I replaced that and the issue was still there. Then I thought it was a controller on the logic board that would need replacing and soldering, but thankfully it wasn’t that. The re sale price on them is good and they are pretty cheap, so there is a decent profit to make if you successfully repair them. So far I have got 3 going. One we are keeping for ourselves to use, one we have sold and the other is for sale. I have another on the way, which needs a new battery, a couple of keys and a dvd drive. I already have the spare keys and dvd drive, I will just need to buy a battery. I also won another one tonight, but I’m not sure of what the issue is with that. One that I’ve been using mostly for parts, has a stuffed GPU (graphics card)

I’ve managed to sell a few iPod Touch 5. I bought a bulk lot that had various issues for a low price. I got 1 going and sold that. About 2 of them are activation locked, so I can’t do much with them. And the rest seem to be water damaged. Though they were all good for spare parts, like batteries or screens or cases. So I have managed to refurbish 3 with those screens and repair a screen for a customer.

My oldest daughter comes down for just over a week this coming Saturday. So excited! I always love it when I get to see her and especially when it’s for longer. Plus her little brother and sister love it too.

I’ve managed to get a few iPads going as well. One for myself and one that I sold.

We have this cool idea of making a dolls house, but customized for the rats.

I’ve made a couple of home brew batches now and they both turned out well.

I’m sure I had a lot more to post about, but my mind is a tad blank right now. So I’ll leave it at that for tonight.

Thankx for reading and following.

So, over part of this year I have been working on trying to get my business up and running and getting my name out there. I created a business plan, designed and printed business cards and distributed them as much as I could and created a Facebook business page.

Then, randomly this week I got a message from a mobile phone repair business that is opening in Nelson in a few weeks, offering me a job. So I thought on it for a bit and I was unsure if it was worth it, as it means I have to give up starting my own business and also there is the fact that I personally make more money out of refurbishments then repairs, which I bought up with the manager and he said I would still be free to do refurbishments in my own time without it being a conflict of interest. So I agreed to send him my CV. He was happy with that and is going to interview me tomorrow. Though even without an interview as yet, he was quite enthusiastic about me working for him. Quite a surprise all this. As I have never been sought out for a job and asked to apply. So I must be doing something right ๐Ÿ˜€

Seems things can go on a big downhill spiral before things go back up again. As just a few weeks ago we were worried we might have to move out, as our benefit got stopped and it took nearly 3 1/2 weeks to sort. That was stressful as hell!

I got behind on my antidepressants again recently by 2 days and man I get emotional really fast without them. I also on the 2nd day of missing them decided due to being extremely tired, to give sleeping a go without my Quetiapine. Eventually I got to sleep, but I had the worst dreams ever, very vivid and scary as hell! I woke my partner up due to moaning distressingly while asleep. He’s so lovely though, he hugs me tight and tells me it’s ok ๐Ÿ˜ข  Love him so ๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’˜๐Ÿ’Ÿ

I’ve been fixing up a few things and selling. A few iPhone 5s, an iPad 1, an eMac. I have a few iPhones I can’t fix, as they have logic board chip faults and that’s outside my expertise. The iPad 2 I am currently using just needed a digitizer/touch screen installed. I will resell it once I get the iPad Air I bought and put a new digitizer on that.

Though I am nervous about a potential job, I am also a little excited, as it will actually be doing something I enjoy and I will get to learn even more with the job. Like holy crap! For the first time in my life I will have a job I fully enjoy doing and I get paid to do it. So cool. The only other job I’ve had that I enjoyed was car grooming, as I got to drive around a lot of very cool cars I could never afford.

On another completely unrelated subject, my partner and I have been buying Pokemon Trading cards and through using the Pokemon Trading Game Online I have learnt a lot about how to play the game and what everything means. I am still of course addicted to Pokemon Go ๐Ÿ˜

Last month I made my first home brew of cider. I only did a few things wrong in the process, added a litre or so more water then I was meant to and added cider essence before fermentation instead of after. But even with that it was still a really good batch and everyone who tried it enjoyed it, so I will make another batch when I can afford to.

Well that is all for now, I’m a bit tired ๐Ÿ˜ด

Thankx for reading ๐Ÿ˜€

So recently I have had my oldest daughter staying for part of the school holidays. She stayed for 8 days.

It was really awesome having her here and she had a really good opportunity to really bond and get to know my partner and vice versa.

What I always find interesting and also a tad concerning, is how she does not feel free to express herself, her opinions and just be honest, with her carers. As she always has in the back of her mind when expressing certain things, what they would say or how they would react. She feels quite judged and under pressure with them and she does not feel completely supported by them. I understand they are trying to act in her best interests, but I feel their own upbringing shapes how they perceive things and how they feel she should be. A lot of what they term ‘rude’ and ‘naughty’, is simply my daughter asserting herself and expressing her opinion. I find and she finds, they quite often compare her to how their sons are or were at that age. But to be fair they are males and they are their biological children. Things are very different with the opposite sex and children you are caring for. As a child in you care is most likely not going to have been bought up with the same morals and ideals/values.

My daughter really does find it quite different going from being in a supportive, nuturing and honest enviroment, to quite a structured enviroment with very strict rules and expectations.

I am glad she find her interactions and time with my partner encouraging and supportive.

I would like her with us, but I know that battle would be very hard and stressful and quite likely I feel it may not go in my favour.

With regards to my younger 2 children. I am finding my younger daughter is having issues with my son, her younger brother and she seems to find him quite a nuisance and can tend to pick on him a lot. Which is unfortunate, as he really loves her and just wants to do whatever she is doing. Typical sibling rivalry dynamcs though. I certainly understand it from my own experience with having a younger sister. But it is much harder when it is actually your own children

My younger daughter certainly is quite effected by my oldest daughter, her sister, not being here. And my oldest daughter really misses her too. She was quite tearful and upset when her little sister had to go home from my place after staying the night. She really does miss her.

Oh my goodness, one of our younger rats is running around like a nutter right now. Every now and then she runs across my keyboard and randomly types hehe.

We have had a fair bit of stress lately. Our benefit application took forever to process and we ended up getting nearly a month behind in rent. It was freaking me the hell out and getting me quite anxious and stressed out. Thankfully it all got sorted late last week.

I find I am getting a lot of interest in my business, but my lack of stock does hold me back a lot. I wish I could just get an investment or loan, so I can start operating it. I know it’s a worth while project/investment and it has great potential for success. It is just a matter of the start up costs.

Oh gosh, was starting to feel quite tired…then I looked at the time. Not surprising, it is 1:11am. I guess I should get some sleep.

Thankx for reading and following.

https://givealittle.co.nz/cause/businessescadachic

That is the page I have created to fund raise for my business.

As I went to the bank about a business loan and they said I would not be able to apply for 6 months. As I need to be audit-able and have incoming and outgoing into a business account to show my earnings, spending and all of that.

I did not realize that it was not as simple as applying for a business loan. And the fact I can not afford to put money into getting stock is really stopping me from operating to my full potential.

So any support would be greatly appreciated, even if it is just passing on my link for this fundraising page. It all helps.

Thank you for reading and supporting me.