Category: Happy

I never thought I could find a love like this. Most of my teenage and adult life I thought I did not deserve it.

I do not know why.  Why I thought I was not worthy of real, true, honest love.  So I always settled for less.  I always feared letting someone like this in.

I would self sabotage and push anyone capable of this love away.

I can not tell you where these feelings of inadequacy came from.

For I have seen true love.  That is what I believe my mother and step father have.

Having this kind of love is beautiful, a blessing and I do deserve it.  But how scary it is.  After pushing it away for so much of my life and denying myself the opportunity to feel it and give it.

It is clear why it is scary, as it is a huge risk, putting your heart out there and trusting another not to break it.  But I am not the only one taking the risk, I am not the only one who is scared.  And that is a beautiful thing.

I never dreamed I could or would find somebody like this.  And just like they always say, that person comes along right when you are not looking.

I was not looking for love.  I was not even looking for a partner.

How sweet that we found one another.

I have been on Tumblr for the last hour looking at posts about love.  And how some people describe it is perfect.

I find it especially true how many say, that person, they light up the room, they are the light in the darkness, they ignite a spark within you, hearing their voice makes you smile, recieving a text from them brings you joy and they are the one you always look for in a crowded room.  And they feel those exact same thing’s for you.

It is amazing having someone who ignites a spark in me and who wants to nurture and grow that spark. Who wants to stand alongside me as I grow and whom I want to do the same for.

I am not used to this.  I am not used to having a partner who feels so deeply for me and who thinks the world of me.  Who wants to lift me up, instead of tear me down. 

And who truly gets me!

I love that he can read me.  How he pays close attention and knows if I am feeling down and depressed.  He knows without me even having to say a word.  And he cares, really cares.  Knowing I can always be unfiltered with him and just be me, however that feels at any time, is priceless.

If I tell him I am anxious, panicked, depressed and self doubting.  He gets it.  He understands 100%.

Actually being able to feel however I feel and just be me and that be okay, is amazing!

I am not used to a relationship like this.  And of course there are no complaints from me about having such a relationship. 

Wow!  Just wow!

He has captured my heart and I have captured his.  And he knows who he is  ☺

And yes, he does read my blog.  And not to check up on me like the ex. He reads it because he cares about me and he is interested. 

He is such a sweetheart  💖

And well, I also think he is sexy as fuck and hot as hell!

I am SO lucky  😃

Happy :-)

Yup, I am!

I’m happy with my life. Happy with my figure. Happy with the awesome people I have in my life.

Yesterday, I went into Dressmart and tried clothes on, which I have no intention of buying, just because. And it was so much fun!!! I don’t mean to boast…much…but everything I tried on looked great. And that hasn’t happened for so long I can’t remember. Definitely been over 3 yrs since I’ve felt this happy with my body.

But damn, did it suck that I was so sick this last week! It was horrible! I was in tears many times. Simply because I felt so sick. I’ve never actually been this sick before in my life. And it was scary. I felt like I was dying. Of course I wasn’t. But damn! Being sick can be nasty. I couldn’t function at all. All I could do was sleep, throw up or the other toilet thing and I couldn’t eat a thing. The sachet’s they gave me to put nutrients back in, weren’t working. They were SO disgusting they made me throw up. Urgh! The taste!

So, next week, I’m going to try clothes on again, just for fun. I just love the boost I get when I see how nicely things fit.

I had to laugh, though others weren’t. That some friends think I am on my way to an eating disorder, or intentionally eating few calories. That’s ok, they worry. But they seemed to have forgotten how sick I have been. I haven’t been able to eat. And believe me, I wanted to be able to. I have missed food so much. It felt so unnatural not being able to eat. It made me miserable. As my body was rejecting everything, though my brain wanted to normality. But I couldn’t fight my body. I absolutely hated being so sick. I would cry so much, just begging to feel better. Please, may I never get so sick ever again!

Ok, so now for the latest picture. And btw, I don’t recommend getting so sick, which helped with the results. I’d rather have just got there on my own, without the help of Influenza & Bronchitis.