Tag Archive: Wellness


It’s been quite some time since I blogged last. I honestly can’t remember how long.

Like usual, I’ve been wanting to blog a lot more and had the desire to, but not the motivation. I’m not very good at just taking time out to do these things. I don’t know why, but I always feel like I need to be doing something and have a lot of trouble just taking time for myself.

I can’t remember if I have mentioned this before, but I discovered last year some time that I have sleep apnea. Which definitely does not help my energy levels or motivation. I do need to probably have a talk to a GP about it and see what helps with it.

I have decided in the last few days to switch to the Paleo way of eating. I have been wanting to try this way of eating before, but I didn’t really know enough about it. I watched the second season of The Paleo Way (I think that’s what it’s called) on Netflix recently. So now I have a lot more of an education on the subject. I also made a point of searching up Paleo meals online and bookmarking some good, affordable meal options. I also got a couple of books out from the library. One is called ‘The Paleo Diet – Food Your Body was Designed to Eat’ and ‘Modern Caveman – The Complete Paleo Lifestyle Handbook’. The first book is more on what you can and can’t eat and the second book is a more comprehensive book, that covers the subject a lot more thoroughly. This kind of eating definitely makes a lot of sense. I do feel it is important to really understand why it is beneficial. As I would imagine some people may be curious about it, so knowledge on the subject is definitely a plus.

My mental health has been through ups and downs since I blogged last. I have had really low points where I have honestly wanted to take my own life and have wanted to self harm. Thankfully I have not done either. I just get really overwhelmed with stress to a point I just can not function and I can not see a way out. Yeah, things do get better. It’s just hard remembering that when you are in distress. I think I have been feeling a lot more depressed and overwhelmed a lot of the time since I blogged last. At the moment I’m feeling ok though. Yesterday I found myself actually feeling hopeful, positive and motivated. Which for me is extremely rare.

I have caused some of the stress myself, by making bad decisions with money and get us into stress on and off with money and overdue debts. I am hoping I am over that self sabotaging behaviour.

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I don’t even want to write it in here. But pretending I am not feeling how I am feeling is not helpful either.

Granted PMS probably is not helping.

Something small will set off my emotions. I start feeling anxious and vulnerable. Then my emotions just go numb. I do not know if that is the antidepressant, a defense mechanism or a coping strategy.

The emotional numbness wears off and then slowly the tears start flowing and then streaming down my face. They are definitely not numb any more.

When I am here by myself a lot, I feel really lonely and isolated.

The amount of isolation on days when I have no company is really hard for me. It is not helped by the fact I do not have my car. I crave that freedom and independence. I do need that freedom and independence for my sanity and for my Mental Health to be in a healthy space.

This lack of freedom to just get in my car and go wherever, has been very detrimental to my wellness mentally.

I have, for the most part, had a car for the past 20 years almost. Except a few months over 10 years ago when I had no car for a short period. But I was not lacking social contact back then.

I do not really want to admit this, but I am always for honesty and transparency and sharing my journey, so I will.

Last night I felt really low. I can not really remember what triggered it. Though I do know I am more sensitive at the moment and my emotions are closer to the surface due to PMS. I felt super low and wanted to cut myself. But I am not even sure why. Well, that is not completely true. I think the isolation at times might have quite a bearing actually.

I do not like having to rely on others to get me places. And to be honest, I am not fond of public transport either.

I guess I have trouble needing help, accepting that I need others help and having to rely on others.

I am a stubborn, self-sufficient, independent adult. So yeah, it is difficult to swallow my pride and need others like this.

At least I know I am most likely to have my car back and running this Friday. But damn! Friday can not come fast enough!

I have noticed quite often lately when I am sleeping alone, my anxiety increases at night and I start feeling a bit panicked. Fearful that my panic attacks might creep back in. But they have not so far, so I hope it stays that way. As when I used to suffer from them quite regularly years ago, they were very frightening and overwhelming.

I need to say though, I do not always feel low like this. I am experiencing more joy, contentment and happiness at times when I am doing new thing’s, spending time with people who are important to me and getting out and about. So it is not a constant low mood.

Hmm, I must have needed to blog actually and let this all out. As I am feeling very calm and at ease now. Yay for blogging and having a creative outlet!

I have been a bit slack lately with trying some new tricks with my Hula Hoop. But that is simply because my energy stores get zapped at this time of month.

A few thing’s that help me feel chill, content and happy are, spending time with people who care about me, nurture me and encourage me. Watching comedic movies definitely helps too. As does having a few people who I can be real with and whom can do the same with me and exchange thoughts, feelings, experiences and stories.

Just by the way, I am quite proud of my cake making skills this year. I made my 6 year old a Paw Patrol themed birthday cake and it turned out awesome. So a big yay me for that.

I refreshed my hair colour today, got some Chuppa Chup scents for my car, got a battery for my led gear knob, got some brake fluid, got a labret piercing in the centre just under my bottom lip and bought myself a Tattoo magazine. So I have been kind to myself today. I might leave the nail polish application until tomorrow. And eventually I will start reading Fifty Shades Darker.

I am still undecided if I will watch another comedy on my laptop tonight.

Right, so that is all for tonight. I might go spend a little more time on Pinterest.

Ciao. Thankx for reading and following.