Tag Archive: tragedy

I have been wanting to find the time to post tonight, but I was feeling uncomfortable with the idea of coming here into the lounge and typing my post on my computer. I just feel exposed here. I feel like I just want to go hide somewhere quiet and separate and have some privacy to post. But unfortunately I do not own a laptop, so I can’t.

I have not been having a very good week so far. I went out with my good friend who I have known since college on Saturday, which was fine and later we went out to town and had drinks. But I am feeling the effects of that decision and how it messes with my chemicals, the drinking alcohol I mean. And I do feel very strongly that I do not want to go out and get drunk again. As my mental health does not benefit, in fact my mental health suffers.

I had dinner with my oldest sister on Sunday night, which was mostly okay. But naturally the subject of my oldest daughter and CYFS(child, youth and family) did come up. And then she asked me if I have considered the possibility of my daughter not being returned to me and how would I cope with that. I told her, yes, I have considered that scenario, but as it is worse case scenario and these kind of thoughts/ideas do greatly effect my depression, I choose not to sit with that idea/possibility for long. As it will put me into a downward spiral and I have worked so hard to get to be as well as I am now. And how I would cope, well honestly I do not think I would cope. I mean if the worse case scenario did happen, I would have to learn to accept it. But I would not react well if that decision was made at the next FGC(family group conference) review. I would probably cry uncontrollably and feel very angry.

My mood has taken a downhill spiral. Not too majorly, but I have to do my best to avoid my mind going to that place of considering that possible scenario. I know myself well enough to know that I could very easily spiral downhill and go backwards very fast. That is why I make a point of not thinking about worse case scenario.

It is not like I am even in any therapy. So I can not adequately explore and discuss such things in a safe place.

I am feeling even sadder since yesterday, after hearing about Robin Williams suicide. I feel so sad and heartbroken he could not find enough hope to go on and keep fighting depression. It is so tragic. As is any suicide.

I must admit, I have noted yesterday, a feeling of hopelessness within myself. Like I just do not even want to go on or try anymore and that my family would be better off without me. Not in a suicidal way I mean. I was just lacking severely in confidence in myself at the time and feeling quite discouraged. It is not much helped by the fact I am getting a bit of a flu, what my sister said, PMS and having both kids at home. 1 who is sick also, that is my 4 year old and the other one who climbs everything!

OMG! Seriously, between the nagging on and on from my 4 year old and my clever climber(my 1 year old) and being sick. It is damn hard work, extremely exhausting and challenging! Today I was feeling like I can not handle this and I do not want to deal with this. But I try to be kind to myself and I remind myself, I have PMS, I am getting sick, I am looking after a sick child and that not surprisingly this at times is very hard to deal with. As is the fact I have not had any social contact so far this week.

Thankfully I have someone from college who I recently reconnected with coming to visit me tomorrow. I do not know how much longer I would have lasted without that very vital and very crucial, social contact.

Oh gosh, my cat! She has been SO naughty today that I was very damn close to giving her away! She got into the rubbish bag and ripped it open to get out chicken bones. So I put that bag into another one…then she did it again to the 2nd bag and guess what?! I put that bag into another bag and she did it again!

Oh and then we had the ants driving me crazy again! It seems having a used Mcdonalds cup in the recycling bin is enough to get the army of ants out in force! Argh!!!

Ok, not a new vent…but my damn fiance and his computer!!! He is so bloody annoying! He comes home, after me looking after both the kids all day and being sick and he goes and gets straight on it! So sick of it!

Right, that is all for today. I am actually quite tired. Thanks for reading.


I’m sure by now many of you will be familiar with the very recent MH17 disaster.

This tragedy has effected so many countries, families and friends. It should never have happened.

I feel immense sadness and grief for the families and friends of those who lost their lives on that flight.

A kiwi women has lost the love of her life, her husband and their 2 young sons have lost their Dad. It is cruel how such a young family has been torn apart. Early 30’s is far too young to become a widow and solo parent. My heart goes out to this family especially, but also the many more effected by this disaster.

Who would have ever fathomed that their flight home or elsewhere would end so tragically.

When I heard about the young man, British born, long term resident of New Zealand and the possibility of him being on that flight. Like his family, I was hoping he had missed that flight and would arrive back in New Zealand safe and sound. And when it was later confirmed he was in fact on that flight and had lost his life, I did not want to accept or believe it. Every time I see the photo of him and his wife in the media I want to cry.

They were such a perfect couple. They changed each others life for the better. And he was a loving and nurturing parent to their 2 sons.

My heart aches for his wife, sons and family.

I find myself asking why life must be so cruel.

Who knows why the plane was shot down and whether it was intentional.

The fact remains, that it was a selfish act, with far reaching consequences.

I was absolutely disgusted to read of how the crash site had been looted and even possibly the deceased bodies and their belongings had been taken by these looters. What kind of people do that?!

I also feel for the families of the victims who have been hounded by the media and how much information has been shared. Some without permission. I feel this isn’t overly fair on the grieving family. I feel they need their privacy, as much as is possible, at this time.

I can not even start to imagine the hell they are going through right now.

I hope the bodies of their loved ones are not in a horrific state themselves.

It is so sad how many people have lost their lives this year alone, in such tragic circumstances.

I hope all the families and friends have great supports around them. As this can not be an easy thing to move on from.

My thoughts are prayers are with them all and my heart aches for them.