Tag Archive: online forums


Cybering Bullying and such

I have watched a few movies on the subject and a fair few YouTube clips on the subject.

I really makes me sad.

I think, man, I thought bullying was harsh back when I was in school. But really, that was nothing compared to what kids and teenagers and other people are subjected to or have been subjected to these days.

These days, being so the technological age, bullying has so many different mediums. There’s text, voice messages, posting, forums, social networks and probably other avenues. As well as, for those in school, it spilling over into verbal abuse.

Makes me a bit concerned as a parent. As, naturally I want to protect my children and never want them to be subjected to such things.

The one time my older daughter told of a boy bullying her, just once, that really upset me. He said “you’re brain damaged” and she was like “what’s brain damaged?” and he responded “you”

So I told the teacher about this. Though naturally, I’d like to have had words to this boy and there hasn’t been any issues since.

But I think, on the positive side, at least she feels she can talk to me about this. As it seems, some kids and teens just don’t tell their parents.

The consequences of bullying, those people doing the bullying really have no concept of. As, kids who have been bullied, are at higher risk of suicide or suicide attempts, more likely to self harm and at high risk of developing mental illnesses.

What is screwed up though, is the people who do know the consequences and for some sick reason, try and provoke unhealthy behaviour from the person being bullied. These screwed up people get kicks out of it!

It’s quite a scary time to be bringing up children.

As I sometimes think of these things and feel like, oh, I wish I could just keep my kids home and never send them to school, to avoid the possibility of them being subjected to such things.

But no, they do need an education.

I just think, as a parent, I have such a big responsibility and how do I do it right(or at least attempt to) and help mold my children in a way, that if they do experience bullying, they don’t go down the wrong path, or self harm or attempts of suicide. How do I instill the right amount of confidence and self assurance?

I am so saddened when I hear of the teens or children who just couldn’t take the bullying anymore and either regularly self harm or commit suicide.

The world, these days, is a very messed up place.

I have only at one point in my life been subjected to cyber bullying and this was on an online forum and a parenting forum at that. And because many of these types know these sites are moderated, they do more of it privately, as in via private messages. There was a bit of it publicly though. It just got too much and myself and others who supported me and stood up for me, in the end had to ask for my thread to be deleted.

Interesting that, you create a thread about a relevant subject, one that effects a lot of people, in hopes to bring light to the subject and hopefully inspire change in a positive way and how nasty people can get in response. I think these people are often referred to as keyboard warriors. They hide behind their online persona.

I personally would never and have never used the internet to attack others. Vent maybe, but never attack and pull down. Makes me pretty proud to be the person I am.

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As now, at least one person has resorted to attacking me personally.

They all insist, it was about me, the post, when it wasn’t! They don’t seem to know how to read, clearly, as I said many times, it is not at all about me! I’m just pissed off that my friends get hurt and was voicing an opinion on behalf of them.

Gotta love good old parenting forums! Where a comment can turn into this big drama and people start getting nasty. Ok, not people, one person. But really, there’s no need to say I need to go back on my meds and get the fuck over it. Or say I’m delusional. But what can be expected, they only know me online, not in real life.

Yeah, I’m not cool with being attacked directly. But I’m so over people saying it’s about me!

IT’S NOT FUCK’N ABOUT ME!!! IT NEVER FUCK’N WAS!!!

Right, got that off my chest, now I’m ganna built a bridge and get the fuck over it.

For those of you who go on PND thread on OB, you’d have read this. But for those who haven’t, I just copied and pasted what I wrote on there.

I find depression comes in waves. And it can be, calm, calm, calm and then the storm. That rocks you and then eventually it’s becomes calm again. But it’s hard to ride through the storms.

I think a big problem with PND, is we get lost in life, the day to day and trying to manage everything. And we really, really need time, either just alone or with a good friend, but only a good friend who really get’s it.

I just find sometimes, when it’s all feeling a bit much, I just want to be alone and maybe as I’m calming down, but still fragile, I need to be around a good friend. As DP’s/DF’s/DH’s are great and all, but they don’t have the same connection as good friends. And that’s ok. It’s ok if they are you ‘best friend’ and lover in life and it’s ok that they can’t be everything to us all of the time. They do plenty as our partner in life, but I think, they can’t be it all. That is why we have friends and need friends. My friends are invaluable. I would be lost without them.

Also, though your relationship maybe awesome with the man in your life, that doesn’t necessarily mean everything else sound be perfect of fall into place, even if that area lacks nothing. As it really is hard, when you either become a 1st time parent or 2nd or 3rd and have to manage either, just you, your relationship and a new baby or you, your relationship, other children and yourself.

We get really stretched with all those things we have to manage. Then thrown in there can be, financial stress, un-settled baby, feeling out of our depth, lack of sleep/disrupted sleep, traumatic birth or simply one that didn’t going according to ‘the plan’, managing and maintaining the household and losing who ‘we’ are in all this.

I feel this big shift of things, can cause us to have a major identity crisis and get so lost amongst it all.

We asking things like:

Who am I in all this?
Where do I fit in all of this?
Who am I now, really, after being a mother and a lover?
Where is the meaning in life?
What about me?
Do I even matter? Do I even factor?
Am I invisible? …as it sure as hell can feel like that sometimes!
Why is no-one acknowledging me and all I do?
Am I just a failure?

And maybe you catch yourself thinking. Surely I must be some kind of failure, as all these others women I see are managing, coping, calm and it all seems so effortless with them. I must be a failure. I ‘should’ be happy.

‘Should’ is a very punishing word. It makes you feel like a failure if you think, speak in ‘should’s’ often. It’s like the lady who took the PND support group I went to said, “the word ‘should’, is like someone standing there cracking the whip at you”.

Simply, sometimes the day to day running of the household, simply is too much for us, in our periods of PND. Even the simple tasks are a chore and an effort. And if you try and force yourself to keep the household running perfectly and as you expect it should be run, you can just dig yourself into a hole and put too many expectations on yourself and when you’re not really at a place where you are coping, this makes things worse, as it causes more stress. I did, literally as advised, leave the dishes and the housework, as it’ll still be there later and there are at least ‘some’ supportive and helpful people in our lives who will help us out with those things. As, I am important, you are important. You do need to come first! But with PND and the big shift it many areas of your life, everyone else comes first and we come last and there lies the problem. Not surprising if you look at it like that, that we do get depressed.

Medication does help a lot of people, not all, but most people. Sometimes it’s just all you need to get the wheels in motion and once things are in motion and much more balanced, then you really must, work on getting to the core of the problem. Because, it’s never as simple and as straight forward as, having a baby and chemicals and hormones getting imbalanced. Medication alone, is never enough. I can testify to that. Counseling to me, in my life was vital and a huge factor in getting to where I am today. And I still have a fair way to go, but I’m on the way forward.

Diet for me, does help, as does exercise, as does knowing I am supported and have support. Having friends who really, really ‘get’ me helps, so, so very much!

Having a helpful, supportive man in your life is great. Though I’ll admit, sometimes I don’t really appreciate him like I should and I do bitch and moan at him a bit and go off at him in times of stress.

I know those of you who have unhelpful men, must have it a whole heap harder. And I’m so proud of you for being strong and sticking around and living through this crap, even if it is that you are barely holding on. Fact is, that you are holding on and you are still here, so you are strong. Same goes for those of you who do have great men in your life, but still have this struggle. You are all awesome and strong and I love knowing you all and I love sharing with you all and supporting you all.

Well going to try a couple of new things.

Firstly, and yes, against my doctors advice…though I thought he was really being closed-minded anyway. I have decided to stop taking anti-depressants. They have too many negative side effects and I’m sick of not feeling, totally me. At first they were fine, but it seems the higher the dose and the longer I am on them, the more blunted I feel and I feel, like myself, but not totally, if that makes sense. I am sick of having no sex drive, as really, I am totally attracted to my partner, but I just don’t have any desire for sex, just the desire to actually have that desire! Also, they make me so, so nauseous! To the point were I nearly throw up every morning 😦
The there is this weird feeling they give me, not sure if it’s vertigo or not. But often when I am sitting, I feel like either my body is shaking, or the earth is moving and same with when I am lying down, often I think there’s an earthquake and there’s not! Also, they seem to increase my anxiety somewhat, the higher the dose. Plus, when I am in rooms with fluorescent lighting, it is highly distracting and I can’t focus. The also make me really tired!

So, I am going to try the natural approach. Which is eating well, exercising, socializing and counselling. I really hope this works. I’d like to feel totally me again and in control as well.

The other area I have decided to make a change is my eating. Not a diet, just a change in the food I eat. Because, let’s face it, diet’s don’t work long term. They get the weight off, but it nearly always goes back on. So I am going to try eating the Low G.I way. As it’s said to be great for you and your energy and it’s not lacking anything essential. So I will start at some point today. I only say that, as I have Lindt Lindor chocolate, which I must finish, as it’s divine!

I am so thankful for my friends. The one’s I have online and offline. I am so thankful for my family and the supports I know have in place. Things are most definitely looking better, even if money is tight. And I am so happy, yet surprised to be able to say this. Because in the depths and despair of my PND, I saw no light at the end of the tunnel and no hope and only misery and unhappiness. I just felt like, that was my life from then on and it would never get better. So, though I may be predisposed to getting bouts of depression, I know, I can get through it.

The main thing that has been making me sad lately, is bad stuff going on in people’s lives, whom I care about deeply. I am quite empathetic(I think that’s the word) and I really feel for others through their hard times. So when things aren’t going well in their life and they are unhappy, I am saddened. But it’s a good way to be. But one thing I can guarantee is, I will never, ever be one of those insensitive people, who word things wrong, have no tact and tell people to harden up or snap out of it! That is one thing, I personally hated people doing to me. And I always live by ‘do unto others, as you would have them do unto you”. Also, you will never here me bitching and back-stabbing about people who share their emotions online. Where others usually say stuff like “I’m so sick of the whole, poor me attitude, I’m so sick of those status updates that are always moaning and negative”. Those are things I would never say or think. So if you are wondering where got such words from, go on ohbaby and look at either ‘the vent thread’ or ‘the cryptic thread’. So sick of some of the things that are said on there. There are some real bitches on there! Oh and I had to laugh, when I created a positive thread and was ripped apart for that and told “isn’t a thread where only one person posts called a blog”. To which I replied something like “correction, now you 2 have posted, it’s a total of 3 people posting and I’ve got a blog thank you and quite happy with it”.

LOVE & BLESSINGS TO YOU ALL!!!

…oh….

So, you think the PND/depression is pissing off, but nope, never totally.

Seems though, what I have worked out, is social interaction is a big thing for me and when I get very little of it, I start losing the battle again and going back to those dreaded, horrible feelings. But I mean, what can you do if no-one is available on certain days to socialize? Fact is, some people do have things on and not everyone is as available as me.

But, on the plus side, I know some awesome ladies through PND forums and groups and I have made some great friends from online forums and such. I do LOVE the internet! It’s not all bad and addictive as some people point out. Though, then again, I’d be kind of lost without it.

I want to just shout out and say HI to, Anastasia, Nicola, Lisa, Claire and whomever else reads this. Great to know you are there for me and I will always be here for you all 🙂

Right, best get out of the house, as Annabelle keeps saying ‘car’ and seems to think we need to get out of the house. Be back later to blog some more.

Simply some people have ‘researched’ something or read a lot on a subject and the think because of this, what they are stating is FACT.

The thing is, all babies ARE different and just because some people think a sudden stopping of breastfeeding is a ‘nursing strike’, doesn’t mean this is FACT in all cases.

I believe, what may start as a ‘nursing strike’ can turn into a toddler or baby self-weaning.

To be honest, I am feeling rather judged by some on an online parenting forum, regarding the fact that Annabelle is self-weaning, some women are convinced they are 100% correct and that she is just having a ‘nursing strike’ and not weaning. Their posts lead me to believe they think I am using this as an excuse to wean. Which is not at all true! I am happy as to keep breastfeeding, but Annabelle isn’t keen. Any time she expresses interest I offer her a fed and she’s just not keen. I think she prefers the lesser effort of formula, milk or water and I think it’s an independence thing. She is very grown up for her age.

Just had to vent, as certain people were pissing me off with their closed-mindedness.

So, on ohbaby, I once made a thread about cliquiness and social cliques, which so many were quick to say, was non-existent on that site. By the way, no offence to fellow ohbaby members. It’s not directed at those of you who read my blog, you’re all lovely!

I was at an ohbaby meet up today and I thought, I’ll just be open and friendly and if there are any cliques between people there or dislikes towards me, I’ll observe it and say nothing.

So, unfortunately, there was some cliques going on there. Or maybe just people who get on better. Sux that a couple aren’t keen on me as a person, being I started the meet up group. But I tried to talk to and interact with all the ladies there and it became apparent, at least of them have an issue with me. As they barely exchanged more then 1 word with me. So glad I brought my friend along, so I didn’t feel left out. I wasn’t leaving myself out, I was trying to interact as much as I could, while chasing Annabelle around and keeping Sophie happy. The majority there were fine, just 2 of them weren’t keen on me. It’s a bit sad, but really, it is their loss, not mine. I am proud of who I am and my personality and I know I am not one bit clique, I am completely open to everyone and friendly, kind, caring and an overall nice person. I’m not vain, I just know that I am decent.

Anyway, thankx to all of you who are my friends and whom I know and whom accept me, as I so appreciate you all for that 🙂

That’s all. Have a great day!