Man, just when I thought I was attempting to have our budget in a bit better of a situation I get more financial stress thrown at me!

Money stress has got to be one of the worst stresses I think.

So, what we get on the benefit from WINZ(work and income) and IRD(inland revenue department), is not a lot. But of my half of the benefit, I am paying about $32 per week of my benefit back to WINZ for debts I have with them and out of my fiance’s half, $5 per week comes out. As well as $17 per week out of my half for Child Support, due to my older daughter not living with me and her carers choosing to apply for the Unsupported Child’s Benefit. Even though both her and her husband are extremely wealthy. So what we are left with each week is not a lot. Plus we have childcare we have to pay for also, due to CYFS forcing us to put both our younger kids into daycare 5 days a week.

And then, about a week ago, I get a letter from IRD saying I have a debt of $44.50 with them. So I call them and ask them about this and they say, it is the part month before they had started taking the Child Support from my benefit and they ask if I can manage $12 per week on top of the $17, to pay off this debt. I told them there is no way I can afford that. They suggest $7 and I told them I can not afford that either. That I could afford $2 per week at the most. They then start being rather snarky at me and say “well, I gave you the chance to make payment at $7 per week and you declined that, so your debt will just sit there and get fees added to it and increase”. Then, less then a week later, I get a letter from them with a $5 fee added to the debt. And then today I get a letter saying they are taking $29 per week out of my benefit! That’s including an extra $12 per week to pay off the debt.

This stress I do not need! As I still need to get $300 saved up towards moving in the next 4-5 weeks. So I am stressing out big time about this and not knowing how the hell I will manage to find that. As a few of the items I am selling and was expecting people to pick up and pay for by now, have not been picked up or paid for. As I am relying on these things being sold and paid for, to have some money towards that $300.

It’s bad enough the car is nearly on empty again and I could only afford to put $26 of petrol in this week and I only had that money because I sold something.

We have to take the car for a WOF(warrant of fitness) next week, which is $50 for the test. So I really hope it passes. And my drivers license expires tomorrow and that costs $43.80 I think. Plus there is the car registration expiring at the start of June and the mail redirection is $25. Argh, so much money stress!

I have to see a budget advisor on Monday.

Yesterday I went and got some advice from a Family Lawyer. So she is going to apply for my CYFS file under the Official Information Act. And I will use Legal Aid to pay for the Family Lawyer. I kind of wish I had done this sooner though.

Some days all this stress is a bit too much for me and I feel it mounting and I find myself more irritable and angry. Like, I am wanting to just yell at my fiance for how selfish I think he can be with regards to all of his time on his computer. My tolerance for that is really low.

I am trying not to worry or think about the part of moving that I dread the most. Which is leaving my oldest daughter behind. As if I reflect on that for long, I become extremely upset and start getting more depressed.

I know it will likely affect me a lot. As I find when she is here on the weekends, I feel happier. But once she has gone back to her carer, my mood is always quite low.

One thing I really hate, is how CYFS can come along and turn your world upside down and really mess with your family and your life and finances and that they do not seem to take any responsibility for this. And they really do not appear to care how much worse off we now are. I feel, that if CYFS are going to come into a families life and do all this and effect so many aspects of all the family members involved lives. The very least they could do is offer the family counselling/therapy if wanted.

Do not even get my started on OHF(Open Home Foundation)! I really do not enjoy my interactions with our OHF lady.

Man, I want to scream and cry right now! All of this stress is very hard to handle.

Yes, I know I am strong. But this is SO hard.

I have been fighting so much for so long.

Maybe I will go and attempt to make another Loom Bracelet. If you haven’t heard of them before, they are quite a craze at the moment with kids. So I discovered recently. And I brought my own Loom Band kit a few weeks back and have made a few bracelets since them. I am a tad hooked on the craze myself now. And, it is a nice distraction from everything too. My CMH(community mental health) Psychiatrist said it is definitely a positive thing to be doing and is kind of a meditation of sorts. And when I was saying I was a tad addicted to making these bracelets, he laughed, as did my CMH nurse and they said “well, there are worse things to be addicted to”.

Here is a photo of a couple I have made.