Tag Archive: inspiration

My inspiration for this post comes from this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWA2pjMjpBs

Pretty much what I am saying, is that we who suffer from mental illness in whatever facet it is, are unique and we are valuable, like diamonds. We have something special and unique to offer to the world.

We have a specific purpose within the world, that our suffering will teach us. However long that journey takes.

Yes, by far, it is harder going through life with our emotions so much at the forefront and sometimes, ruling our lives. But our emotions are important and are always there to teach us something. Even though, yes, sometimes our emotions put us through hell. But, being more sensitive, though sometimes it feels like our undoing, is a good thing. As I feel we are much more perceptive as a result and we pick up on things others unlike us, do not.

And though, I and others alike, will have our up times and our down times and sometimes we will feel inspired and sometimes we will feel discouraged. This does not take away from this fact.

So…therefore, keep this fact in mind. Especially if you get so low and so discouraged, that you may even get to that point of feeling totally overwhelmed and hopeless and like a burden(I can relate to that feeling), that you think this world would be better off without you(yes I am referring to thoughts of suicide), just hold on to this fact. As, this fact alone makes it worth just holding on that much longer and I can not even try to give you a guarantee of when things will start to look up. But, YOU ARE WORTH IT! And it is worth holding on to this, just this simple, beautiful fact, especially if you have let go of all hope.

And I just want to say, a lot of this inspiration, passion and motivation, actually came through the loss of a life of a young man I did not even know. But his passing has touched me and inspired me to share on this very taboo subject.

So I would like to devote this post to him. I respect his family and friends enough not to name him.

But, yes, living in this small, sometimes isolated community, has most definitely touched me and I know now, despite the less then ideal circumstances that brought me here, it is worth it, if it saves just 1 life and hopefully many more.

So I don’t know if what I’m going to write is something I have written about before. The downside to having a crap short term memory. But anyway, I will write about it either way. As it is on my mind a lot.

I personally do not want my suffering to be for nothing. So, no matter how unpleasant, how uncomfortable, how scary, how unfair and how horrible this journey has been or is, regarding my mental health. I will always try to turn it into something positive, useful and purposeful. So that way my suffering has a purpose.

I will always be honest and open about my suffering and not be ashamed of it. I will always share my experience and blog about it. As I want others to know the real me, I want others who are suffering to know they are not alone in their suffering and I want to encourage others to share and be open about their suffering, if they feel they can be. And I want to help give others the strength to reach out, ask for help, hopefully inspire others and help reduce the stigma of mental illness, as well as any shame felt.

So, even though at times I may feel broken, no matter what, this journey will not break me.

Now I want to touch on a really good DBT(dialectal behavioural therapy) technique called ‘Radical Acceptance’. It is a technique I learnt about last year some time, but have only really put it into practice since mid-December. And more so lately.

Radical Acceptance, as I would describe it is, accepting your reality, feelings and emotions, no matter how unpleasant those feelings and experiences are. It’s about saying to yourself “hey, this feeling, situation or emotion might suck and may be unfair, but I will accept that this is where I am at and how I feel and that’s ok. And I don’t have to like what this feels like and that is ok too.”

Using this technique has been a life saver, literally and has helped me get through everything I have been through since August last year.

And another part of DBT is accepting your emotions and letting them come and sit with you and eventually pass. As emotions ARE healthy and are definitely necessary. I believe this technique is referred to in DBT as ‘Emotional Regulation’.

I found this website, which covers the DBT techniques and explains them more: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_lessons.html

‘Distress Tolerance’ is another DBT technique that I know a small amount about and will being learning more about in the next 5 weeks. As I am attending a DBT based Resiliency course through Lower Hutt Community Mental Health, that goes for 6 weeks and covers the technique of ‘Distress Tolerance’. Last week was the 1st week of this course.

I definitely acknowledge my need for one to one therapy though. As it is really difficult having been through what I have been through and am going through without having any therapy at all. And I really do need something that is just for me and about me, where I can go and be totally honest and start to work through things. This reality was making me feel quite upset last night and I was crying for some time about it. As I desperately need some therapy. And I definitely do feel frustrated that only half the fix has been addressed. That being the chemical imbalance component, which is managed with antidepressants.

Pretty sure that’s all I had on my mind to share today. If not, I’ll come back and write another post.


Yes, it is a New Year. To be fair, it has been a New Year for about 2 wks now.

I’ve not been blogging for awhile. Due to the nastiness they call morning sickness. From about 5wks til 9wks it’s was at it’s worst. Vomiting every single day, several times a day, except 1 day. It seemed to improve at 9 wks and I was like, yay, it’s getting better. But the last week, it’s been a problem again. Especially the last few days.

I had a scan at 6wks and all was good. Baby had a heartbeat of 120bpm. I have another scan at the end of this week. Which I am looking forward to. It’s just reassuring seeing baby and knowing all is fine. As, obviously at this stage, all I have to show for it, is a rounder belly, food aversion, nausea and sometimes vomiting. And to other people, they’ll still be thinking, is she a little chubby or pregnant?

It’s definitely easier to feel excited and more positive about being pregnant when I am not ill. The being ill takes it’s toll and some days I spend a bit of time in tears. Usually also very irritable due to lack of nutrients.

So, my mental health, I think is ok. It does get low when I am isolated and has got low at times in the last few months. More so last week. As I had only seen 2 friends since I found out I was pregnant. One I saw about 8 wks ago and the other about 6 wks ago. So I was feeling pretty lonely and down. And frustrated, as it’s school holidays, so the kids are both at home. And though I love my fiance, seeing your immediate family every day and no friends, does get old.

At points I was very behind with the housework and feeling very frustrated that my fiance was on holiday for 3 wks and he only helped once and he slept in every day and I never got to. That would annoy anyone non-pregnant. So it bugged me even more being pregnant and hormonal. Got so over the amount of time he spent on his computer. I did well though, only actually bitched about it once in 3 wks.

I was watching some good video’s clips on mental health, on the TED website. I’ll go see if I can find the links.

This one was quite good: http://www.ted.com/talks/ruby_wax_what_s_so_funny_about_mental_illness.html

As was this one: http://www.ted.com/talks/vikram_patel_mental_health_for_all_by_involving_all.html

And also this one: http://www.ted.com/talks/elyn_saks_seeing_mental_illness.html

There’s a lot of really good talks on there on all sorts of subjects.

I’ve found some of the posts on facebook on the mental health type groups quite helpful and inspiring and encouraging. There are some good one’s on The Nutter’s Club. Here’s there page: https://www.facebook.com/THENUTTERSCLUB?fref=ts

And a couple of others on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Helping-Hand-Living-with-Depression/172009349507581


Ok, enough links I think. I find them quite helpful anyway.

Right, feeling a bit tired. That will be all for today.

Oh forgot to add, my thyroid is now over-active, which is resulted in the being more sick. But on the plus side, only 2.5kgs gained at 10wks + 4 days pregnant is pretty good.

Oh and if anyone is interested, here’s pic of my expanding belly.


My reasons for blogging

Well, it pretty much started with blogging about my experience of PND(postnatal depression)

Then onto my experience with Depression.

Then, I found it a good outlet for what goes on in my life and how depression manifests for me, effects me and felt this was all worth sharing.

As, I figured, sometimes we feel alone, unsupported, lost, judged, misunderstood and many other things. And sometimes we feel like we are the only one experiencing all this.

Yet we are not.

If not just to reassure others, that they are not alone. Also to encourage others to share their feelings, seek support and reach out.

To hopefully inspire.

To show, that, even though there are downs, there are ups too and that things can and will improve.

Also, it’s a good place at times for me to vent.

It’s nice to have an outlet.

It is SO good to know we are not alone in our struggles.

I am honest. I am emotional. I am sensitive. I am confident. I am self assured. I am supportive. I am unique. I am flawed. I am imperfect.

Also, I can find it very insightful and helpful to look back and reflect and try and pinpoint any triggers or strategies. In hopes to avoid downward spirals or at least, if I can not avoid them, get myself out of them sooner.

Now, on another important subject. Support.

I felt at times it was lacking, when I tried to access it. But I have kept trying to find others who are willing to be a support to me and hopefully I can return the favor and through persistence and perseverance, I have managed to find some more such people.

Thank you to those of you who are such great supports to me. You are invaluable and I appreciate you immensely.