Tag Archive: binging

Well, I finally managed to get below my previous lowest weight of 58kgs. Last weigh in, I was 57.8kgs.  So me keeping my self-sabotage in check and not rewarding myself with binging, is what got me to where I’m sitting now, weight wise.  But gosh, it is so easy to trigger a binge.  I had 1 cupcake earlier this week and as a result, binged on bad food that night and the next night, going over my calories that night and hugely the night after.  I think it’s safe to say, something in those cupcakes is a reactive food for me.  Which according to the ‘False Fat Diet’ book, is a food which my body has a negative reaction from.  Not the same as a food allergy, but similar.  It’s a great book, which I personally recommend everyone read.

So, today I got up at 7am to get ready for the AMI Round the Bays 7KM Fun Run/Walk.  That for me, is a huge achievement for me, getting up that early on any day, let alone the weekend.  So I jogged most of it and walked a small part of it.  Very hard work!  I never run, I can walk for ages, but running is not my thing.  I was not prepared for that.  It was just due to the people who I ended up doing it with.  As they were running.   So after it finished, I walked another 7kms to get back to the train station.  And by then, my back was very sore, so had to go buy some Ibuprofen before catching a train.  I am SO tired tonight!  It’s 8:56pm and I’m quite ready for a sleep.

Braiden and I decided to get engaged last week.  So that’s awesome!

A bit stressed about the house being up for sale again.  As we don’t want to move, can’t afford to and it selling to someone who wants it for them and their family is quite a high possibility.  As Harcourts seem to be advertising it to appeal to first time home buyers, families, couples and that leaves us screwed possibly.

I’ve been quite tired lately, don’t know why.  As my iron is fine, as is my thyroid function.

Mostly my depression isn’t an issue.  But the moments of sadness and sensitivity came along on occasion.  Though, I’m hoping, that when I get my tubes tied at some point and no longer need hormonal contraception, I should improve.  Plus that’ll help me maintain a weight I’m happy with too.

So yeah, life is ok. But got that little stress getting me a tad down, regarding the house.

So what seems to happen with me is. I’ll get to my lowest weight of 58kgs, but never seem to be able to shift the scales to a lower number. So it’s like, I unintentionally self sabotage and seem to reward myself my eating too much or punish myself by going fuck it, I’m over it. Then, I end up gaining a few kgs. Then as a result, feeling crap and down on myself. And my eating, seems to go between, either lots of over-eating or under eating. Which seems to be fucking up my metabolism. So, since my body clearly doesn’t know, what to expect from one week to the next, it’s all out of whack.

When I’m eating too little, my body adjusts my really slowing my metabolism and then as a result of me eating either normally or over eating, I gain weight really fast.

I just get into a really bad habit of either drastically cutting my calories or sabotaging my weight loss by over-eating.

And when my moods are shit, that’s reflects on the scales and in my diet too. Generally being, I eat emotionally, which always consists of over-eating and eating the wrong things. And, when I get bored, due to lack of good weather, meaning lack of exercise, I eat too.

But, I seem to fuck things up, when the weather is good, by eating less, as for some reason I think faster weight loss and don’t have energy to exercise, as I’m eating too little.

ARGH!!! It’s SO frustrating!!! But really, when I sit back and take a long hard look at myself and assess the situation, I come to the realization, that I’m the only one to blame for all of this. And I need to take some responsibility for my actions and therefore change them.

So, what I really need to do, is force myself, to try and never go below 1200 cals. As, if I do, I’m just screwing things up for myself and my body will never sort it’s shit out and my metabolism will never be doing it’s proper job. And, I need to be more consistent with my exercise.

I tend to lose motivation, when I lack energy and when my moods are crap and it takes a lot of energy to get back on the right track. As, not changing is way easier then changing. And, in case you don’t know, I don’t like change, even if I’ll benefit. It mainly comes down to my lack of energy. When that lacks, I don’t do shit.

Here’s hoping, I can turn over a new leaf and at least get my diet sorted and then hopefully up my exercise.

Now I look back, I think going for the Protein Shakes as an attempt to lose weight, wasn’t such a good plan. As, since I’ve been having them, I’ve become very obsessed with my calorie intake and not been eating/consuming enough.

I admit, I’m obsessed/caught up with the number on the scales, as an indicator of my weight loss or gain. Which is something I really need to work on getting over. As, there are so many reasons why the numbers go up and down and I never rationally consider this and just get all emotional and pissed off, when I’m not being told what I want by the scale. I need to try just work by measurements and the way my clothes fit and not worry about the scales. Easier said then done of course.

Forgot to add, I’ve run out of my happy pills(the natural tablets I’ve been taking) so I’m a bit of a moody grump lately.

This picture shows how I feel about it all right now, including how I feel about the scales.

Weight Loss

It is so annoying how it goes relatively well at the start and then just stops completely.

I wish I knew which way to go, diet wise. I’m frustrated at doing the Low carb diet and no longer losing weight, I’m still so far away from my goal.

Motivating myself to exercise is a no go at the moment. Just feeling really tired. So not keen to do low carb diet anymore. It makes me moody as hell and is not fun for myself or people around me.

Feel like giving up on the weight loss, but that’s just because I’ve stopped losing. I know I need to keep it up, or I’ll get all miserable if I stay this size. Not happy with my body aye.

It’s like, hmm, shall I do The 17 Day Diet or shall I do Weight Watchers or maybe Jenny Craig or maybe the Low GI diet. Argh! I do not know!

Gone are the days when I could eat whatever I liked and have no weight gain and still looked slim. Those days disappeared when I turned 20. Getting out of the habit of binging is hard! Sugar is just SO tempting!

Motivation is at an all time low, when it comes to exercise. Partly energy, partly the cold weather.

Fuck knows what I should do!

But, at least I am not the only one in this boat, so I feel a little better that other mum’s share these feelings. It’s always good to know you’re not the only one.

That is all for now.