Tag Archive: Antidepressant


So it’s been a while since I wrote in here last.

Well a few weeks back I kind of lost the plot. I was sleep deprived and it came to 1pm, after being awake since just after 3am and I could no longer cope. It started with tears streaming down my face and turned into feeling really angry and enraged. Provoked by baby refusing to stay asleep, as he was really tired and my toddler just doing little things that made me angry. I started acting strange and was trying to pull my hair out, which thankfully I didn’t succeed at and then smacking myself on the forehead with my palm, over and over. I then text my fiancé and asked him to come home. And while waiting for him to get home I got a phone call from a paediatrician and she could tell I was upset so she asked me what was up, so I told her and she urged me to call the Mental Health Crisis line asap. Which I did. And as a result another cyfs referral was made, due to me clearly not coping and I had a visit from some people from Community Mental Health the next day and they called me later and asked me if some home help 9-5 during the week would help and I said yes. So the started on Friday a few weeks ago. Not sure if I mentioned before, but I also have home help from a different agency for 2 hrs, 3 days a week. Though that wasn’t enough for me, as I was really not coping at home with my baby and toddler. So I’ve have a support worker here last week and this week. Different person last week from this week. But really lovely women both of them.

Antidepressant still hasn’t taken effect and it’s been upped 3 times. At the last review where I saw Psychiatrist, I voiced that I felt this one isn’t working, so they just upped it and said they’d review in a few weeks. Which isn’t til next Wednesday. I’d rather them take me off this one and put me back on Venlafaxine(effexor), as that has worked in the past. And I am so over feeling like this.

Don’t much like my case manager, he’s all about strategies and not really listening to my wants and needs I feel. He wants to ease off with the home help and I expressed to him that I’m not ready for that and that makes me feel anxious about next week. But he’s not backing down.

Had a bit of a panic attack on the way to pick up my fiancé, as he wanted to go to the mall. Went to the mall, felt anxious, but I survived.

Had a meeting with cyfs last week and they agreed I need more support at home. Got a bit emotional after answering all their questions and was crying by the end of meeting.

Talking to support worker yesterday, she suggested maybe I could do a job like that one day. As who better to understand and support, then those who have been through it.

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Another update

So they switched the antidepressant and gave me another, it’s called Sertraline, also known as Zoloft.

Unfortunately it made me really nauseous to the point of vomiting and also made me feel more panicked, hopeless and anxious.

The nurse gave me an anti anxiety medication, called Lorazepam. And that works nicely. But apparently it’s short term and can be addictive and it’s not an option long term, which is sad.

If they could give me something like that long term that would be nice.

It’s nice feeling chilled out, instead of anxious and panicked.

So, they gave me an antidepressant last night, only 1/2 a tablet, but it’s so not good for me. It’s called Mirtazapine. Yes it helped me sleep, but unfortunately it’s too sedative. As in, 12 hours after taking it I still felt sedated and I couldn’t get myself alert enough to function til nearly lunch time. Which is not good. As I had been hungry since 7am. It actually made me feel more depressed and hopeless. As I can’t function as I need to. And not being awake enough to eat for 1/2 the day is really bad. So I have asked to try another type.

My fiancé visited yesterday and today. He brought baby and our toddler yesterday and yesterday went ok. I actually felt more positive. Though I still get panicked about getting baby settled. And my older sister came up from Nelson to help for a week. She visited yesterday afternoon. And today my fiancé and sister came in with the baby. Though today I haven’t been feeling so great.

I have been more open today though and actually talked to other patients here. I’ve found that good. As interaction with others here is a good distraction. Plus there are some women here who have kids too, so they understand how I am feeling. Especially the lady with postnatal psychosis.

I felt really sad when my family left after their visit. As I really miss them. I went back to my room and cried after they left.

But when I try think about being at home and doing what I need to, I still feel panicked a bit.

I was shown by a lactation consultant how to express with an electric pump, so I might try that again later. Though it’s hard just sitting there attached to that for what seems like ages.

So that’s how things are. I hope the new antidepressant I am being offered suits me better.