Things are not much fun at the moment. Today my oldest daughter is in quite a provoking mood. She is going overboard with pushing the limits. She is being really disrespectful and rude to her step-dad and comparing him to her ex carers and basically telling him he’s a terrible parent and her unhappiness is all his fault. So I urge her to stop being so nasty and warn her if she keeps being horrible and slamming the door continually then I will take her laptop off her. So then she starts on me and starts accusing me of hating her and everyone in the house hating her. I told her that is definitely not true and we all love her. So then she starts threatening to tell ‘everyone’ that I hate her. Her step-dad eventually finds this continous attacking too much and disappears downstairs. Which, granted he is going down to calm down.  But I end up left to deal with her mood and I feel quite unsupported.

She keeps on about how her ex carers are better parents. I ask her why it is she would never give them this disrespect, yet thinks it is ok to show us disrespect. She didn’t answer.

So then in comes to bedtime for her and her sister and she starts being mean to her. I tell her what she is doing is bullying and that she doesn’t like it if people do it to her, so why would you think it is ok to do to your sister? Her reason was, because she was being annoying.

Honestly, it feels like a battlefield at home sometimes.

It is so emotionally and physically draining.

I really don’t know what to do.

I do not like how I have no mental health services in my life. That makes tough times so much harder.

I am nervous about the upcoming FGC review. I have no idea how it will go and that is hard to cope with.

I hope it is not another of the 2 sides against each other crap again. And ending up feeling persecuted as parents.

Braiden(my husband, wants to make thing’s work with Sophie(my oldest daughter) and he wants thing’s to improve.  But she has no faith in him. Which really sucks. As he tries and she throws it back in his face.

And I feel removing her from our home will make their relationship worse, not better. As there isn’t that time dedicated to working through thing’s if she is in another city. As she basically thinks, move to Wellington, problem solved.

Oh this is so hard.

I have been feeling very low and tearful increasingly so in the last week. And my anxiety is increasing a lot.

I better try get to sleep. As I have no been getting enough sleep lately.

Thank you for reading.

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