I am finding day by day, night after night. I am having increasing problems getting too sleep. As it is my only real quiet time, without distractions or duties.

My oldest girl just flew back to Wellington this afternoon. It was sad for me, but even more upsetting for my younger daughter. Who cried for the 20 minutes or so, after her sister boarded the plane. That is so hard for me seeing her like that.

I am worrying about so many things. The FGC(family group conference) review, the fact we can not pay our phone and internet bill and the fact we have to give the car up for voluntary repossession, so we can start the process for applying for a Summary Instalment Order. Worrying how we will get places without a car. Secretly blaming myself and my mental illness for all of this. Panicking and worrying about the FGC and how it will go and how I will cope and the outcome.

I have been having a bit of a cry and panic about it tonight. Which is not helping me with getting to sleep.