Many thing’s are getting to me at the moment.

After having some time out in respite, it seems some people are determined to cause me more unhappiness.

I had a so-called friend’s parent message me accusing me of judging them, when I hadn’t done anything. Then this same person, the so-called friend, seems to like to take digs at me via her Facebook statuses and clearly she doesn’t realize I am intelligent enough to work out who she is talking about. As she never names, names, just mentions situation’s and then tries to talk her way out of it when I confront her. I dunno, I actually almost feel sorry for her being part of her family. As they all seem to be paranoid, judgemental and appear to all create drama.

It is just hurtful to discover that she clearly shares things I have confided in her and I trust her not to share and then I find out she is bad-mouthing me behind my back. And her parent had the cheek to call me crazy!

That is exactly the stigma about mental illness that NZ is trying to stop!

Then I have another friend going off at me because I am apparently ungrateful and this is just due to the fact I hadn’t messaged her back yet.

And then we have my older sister. Who it seems, one minute she is in a mood, then next minute she’s all caring and concerned and then before you know it, she going off at one of her family member’s again. Mostly our Mum or me. We are honestly starting to think there might be something in this. Such as a possible undiagnosed mental illness or personality disorder. And this over year’s of observing her and her reaction to many thing’s.

It is just all so tiring for me, all this crap. I mean I just got back from some respite. Which was supposed to take me away from all the previous stress, in hopes to give me the energy to get through the next few weeks, pre-move.

It wasn’t meant to be, come back and have all this shit thrown at me in one day! It’s wearing me down already and I only just came home yesterday. I just do not need this.

I can feel myself sinking into depression again. I know this, because I want to isolate myself, stay at home, avoid public places and certain people. And obviously I know my symptoms well now, which alert me to the lead up to a depressive period.

Bad timing depression! Very bad timing!

But hey, is depression ever good timing? I think not.

I am lying here with tears dripping down both sides of my face.

At least I get to see my oldest daughter this weekend. That’s something good. It is just unfortunate my younger daughter is quite sick presently. Poor wee girl 😦

I did something awesome yesterday. I walked from respite, which was in Waterloo, Lower Hutt, over the Wainuiomata Hill to home. Which was 9kms. Pretty good effort for someone who isn’t very fit and doesn’t exercise. And it actually wasn’t too difficult which surprised me. So I am happy I managed that.

I know I shouldn’t let arseholes get me down and that I shouldn’t care what nasty pieces of work think. But it still effects me.

I am sensitive and I do care what people think. Especially if they are people who I thought actually supported me.

Anyway, I should get some sleep.