Not my favourite descriptive word to be honest. Not my favourite feeling either. But one I have come to know so very well.

I know depression is just part of me, that it will come and go through out my life. Predictably several times a year. I am quite used to this by now.

I just hate when it sneaks up on me, like it has lately.

I have been feeling the usual symptoms. Low mood, low energy, lack of motivation. Feeling like hiding from the world, staying in bed and not wanting to leave the house. Not eating well. I have been particularly sensitive and teary. Crying a fair bit lately.

And sometimes certain things will just creep up on me and bam! A huge wave of emotions.

Like a few nights back. I’m lying in bed, attempting to sleep, as I so often do. And as some of you will know and can likely relate. Night time, namely bedtime, can be a frustrating time for those of us who might have some or all of the following issues. Such as, insomnia, mind chatter, over thinking and just pretty much a bombardment of crap firing at us, at our quietest and what should be, the most peaceful time of day. But is it, I suspect not. If you are anything like me. It’s kind of torture!

I mean, hell! Bed time is supposed to be the time to be unwinding and destressing. Not the bloody opposite!

Oh crap… I started above on the subject of sleep issues and went off on a tangent on the subject, instead of the thought that lead me to bring up the sleep issue.

So yeah, back to the lying in bed part and thinking, thinking, thinking, as I do. Anyway, for some weird and totally unprovoked reason, the word ‘abortion’ popped into my head. And if you are familiar with my history or some of my previous posts, you might know I have had 1 abortion in the past and that clearly I still have not moved on from this and totally healed from that decision.

Oh man, I am like so tired I can’t focus. So I am going to have to finish this post tomorrow. So I hope I can somehow attempt to continue where I left this.