Right, so I decided to be really honest about some stuff on my Facebook profile. About how I am aware that sometimes people can take my quietness and antisocial behavior the wrong way. And how that can be misinterpreted by some as me being rude, snobby, antisocial and that in fact I am not being any of those thing’s on purpose. But if I am acting that way, it’s because I am feeling highly anxious and not doing so well with my mental health.

I also said that sometimes I don’t ask for help and support, because I have been let down in the past when I have asked for those thing’s. And also, sometimes I may put on a front of being more OK then I am, because I don’t like that I’m still suffering and it’s hard to admit that I still am.

Well, clearly that admission, feeling listened to and taken seriously by CATT(crisis assessment treatment team) and Lower Hutt CMH(community mental health) and knowing I’ll be starting a 6 week DBT(dialectal behavioural therapy) group this Wednesday, has been a big positive.

As since I wrote that last week, my mood has been really good.

Also, I have been feeling really good about my bond with my baby boy and I have a strong desire to fight to be able to be around my 2 youngest kids unsupervised, at the CYFS(child, youth and family) FGC(family group conference) 3 month review next month.

So I will be discussing this desire with all the professionals I am involved with, so they can advocate and support me in this.

I will also be bringing up the FGC plans negative effects on my 4 year old, how hard all this has been on her. Especially the not having her older sister living with us. And the negative effects of all this on my mental health. And I will be expressing my desire to have my oldest daughter back with me full time.

All these big decisions are making me feel really motivated and positive.

My oldest daughter spent 4 1/2 hours over here yesterday, which was awesome. Her little sister loved it too. And I made them both some bracelets.

The hard bit though, was how distraught my younger daughter got when her sister had to leave. She was extremely upset for nearly an hour afterwards. And as you could imagine, that tears me up inside.

I am feeling really happy my mood has improved. Finally I am getting a break from all the suffering.

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