Sorry for the language. That’s just how I am feeling right now.

OMG! I just got handed a whole lot of stress in the last 24 hours

Amongst my thinking, thinking, thinking at night, when I should be trying to sleep, at just after 1am, after cleaning the bathroom til nearly 1am. I came to the realization at nearly 2am that I paid 1 weeks rent that I didn’t need to, so I need to get that back tomorrow! As we are meant to be moving on Tuesday and we need that money to pay the moving company. So on the plus side to my not sleeping and thinking obsessively, I have realized this stuff up.

I have been stressed out as hell, anxious, panicked and often in despair a lot this week and wanting to run away. Guess that’s only natural considering the stress of last year, the recent family group conference and the moving VERY soon.

I had been keeping so much in emotionally and not letting on to anyone really that I was not coping so well mentally. I’ve ended up in streams of tears and despair several times this week and agitated, panicking, anxious, overwhelmed, stressed and picking quite badly and obsessively. And some time in the last week or so, I self-harmed and engraved the word ‘help’ on my wrist, to the point of bleeding. I also feel like the picking is partly stress and anxiety and partly self-harm.

Then I wake up this morning with a huge headache and receive a text from the new landlord telling me WINZ has not put the bond or rent advance in their account! And I saw WINZ and had that approved over 2 weeks ago. So WINZ have clearly made a HUGE stuff up. As even with the holiday period, that money should have been in there by now, as we have received our benefit payments each week from them, so clearly their payment system works.

So right now I am in a HUGE panic