I was in somewhat of a blunted, weird mood last night and for some reason felt a strong desire to self-harm. It’s probably clear by the shape of the scar, I was screaming for help.

I don’t know fully why I did it. Though, part of it if feeling numbness and blunted. Part of it is despair over the big changes in my life and such a change in my family dynamics. Such as, the fact my older daughter doesn’t live with me. That really hurts me deep inside. Others might not see it and maybe I don’t let it show, as much as it is hurting me and tearing my heart up.

I’m struggling with my life as it is and want a do over. I want a fresh, clean slate, to do it again and do it properly. But that is impossible. I broke mentally and emotionally big time after having my last baby. And I love him, he’s such a darling, sweet, gorgeous boy. But some days I want to just run away and just be with my 2 girls. And without the complication of a relationship and young baby. I know how selfish that is though.

Man I so hope my mood improves once I move. As it seems to be getting worse, the closer it comes to moving date. Which is in 6 days time.

I used photoshop tool on the below pic, to show what I’d done with the self-harm, with the red felt tool.
SH 001SH 002

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