Today, at this very moment, I am feeling OK. Though I am aware of how much my emotions and feelings can shift in one day.

I was informed of some not so great news on Friday. Which flipped my somewhat OK mood, which was me simply accepting where I am at and trying to be softer on myself, to panicked, somewhat distressed, a bit distraught and really strongly wanting to self harm, as a form of punishment. As I perceived myself in a really negative light and felt like a huge screw up and like I’ve fucked up my families life. So, not surprisingly, I wanted to run and felt like my family deserve better then me and my fiancé deserves better then me.

I mentioned to my fiancé why I might have seemed distant and quiet that day and his response really sucked and quite upset me. He hadn’t noticed, as he was playing GTA 5(grand theft auto) nearly all day.

So at the moment I am struggling with feelings of acceptance and then the opposite, as described above.

I’m not impressed with how much time my fiancé spends gaming. It frustrates and angers me. Last night, knowing he has to get up for baby, he stupidly was still up until nearly 4am this morning!

Hey, I just wanted to say, thank you to everyone who likes and/or follows my blog. It really encourages me to keep going and keep hanging in there and keep writing, even when I am really struggling in my life.

I never used to be able to take life one day at a time, like I was often encouraged to. But it then became my only choice. And I see that a quite a big achievement. As I tended to be such a future thinker and therefore quite a worrier.

Think that’s all for now.

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