It’s fair to say, being in a relationship with someone who has issues with their mental health, can not be easy.  Especially when the other person in the relationship suffers no mental illness at all.

 

I can’t say I understand what it must be like.  As I’ve had mental health issues for as long as I have had relationships.  So I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be the stable one and how it must be for my fiancé.

 

I have been in relationships with others who have mental health issues and I know that’s never a good thing.  Especially if the other person is even more unstable then yourself.  That makes for a very intense relationship and not a fun one.

 

I feel for my fiancé, having to deal with me.  I know I’m not easy to love when I am severely depressed and as I have been for quite some time.  Especially since the birth of our son.  And yeah, I get paranoid he only stays because we have 2 kids together and I get insecure and start wondering if he even loves me.

 

I brought all this up today with my fiancé, as I was feeling like he was becoming very distant from me and wondering, does he even love me still, is he just here because of the kids and is he just staying to stop me from going off the rails completely.  But no, I am wrong about all that, he has assured me.  But yes, he admits it’s hard to love someone in my state.  And he doesn’t talk to me about things, as he worries it’ll only make things worse, as it seems like no matter what, my reaction is always an emotional one and he worries he’ll make me feel more depressed.  He feels like he can’t say or do anything to make things any better, as from experience, since I have been so unwell, I react often by being angry or upset.

 

I got to feeling like this, due to yesterday, when he was really tired and kept getting angry at me for things that weren’t even my fault.  And I explained to him, that made me feel like a failure and made me feel rejected and all those other negative emotions and got me all paranoid.  So yeah, I needed to have a serious talk with him, to get the reassurance about how he really feels about us.

 

It shows he’s a pretty great guy, the fact he is still here after all that we have been through with this period of severe depression.

 

I will never truly understand though, how it feels for him.  I can only try and understand.

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