So, like I mentioned in the previous entry, I had a review coming up. And I must admit I was very panicked and anxious about that. I found it very overwhelming with all the people in the room, talking about my situation and formulating some kind of plan. I just wanted to curl up on my seat and cry. Though by the end of it, I felt a bit more calm.

I don’t think it helped that my antidepressant had made me quite sick that day and therefore I was feeling in general unwell and on edge.

I told the doctor in the review that the current antidepressant just doesn’t suit. So I have been put back on Mirtazapine at a lower dose and that one helps me sleep thankfully and doesn’t make me sick.

I am supposed to be going home for the weekend to see how that goes. I was finding the thought of that daunting and feeling quite panicked this morning, so I had to ask for a Lorazepam to calm my panic.

It’s just scary when you have been away from home and that whole routine for just over a week and remembering how things went before I ended up in here. Oh, thought I should mention, I am back at the ward, while they try this antidepressant on me again. The Mirtazapine.

The confidence you lose in yourself doesn’t help at all. So I am hoping I can give it a try and it will go fine and that my mind can begin to understand that I am capable.

I guess I will update again after the weekend or maybe during the weekend.

I did feel as a result of that review and a conversation I had with my older girls granddad, that there was pressure from him to sort myself out asap, which I felt was unfair and putting unnecessary pressure on me.

Though she will be fine. She is going to respite care and staying with a really lovely lady who has been involved with her at her school. Whom I personally love as a person and totally trust and I know it will be a positive experience for her. So that’s good.

Hopefully I won’t need another Lorazepam before I go home tomorrow. Though I might ask for one. It just helps ease my panic.

Something positive that has come out of being here, is meeting a few women, who I consider friends on some level. Who I would love to keep in touch with outside of here. 1 whom I knew already from outside of here and another in the same situation with the panic and anxiety and stress over the whole new baby thing. So it’s really refreshing having some people to chat to in here.

That is all for now. Thanks for reading ūüôā

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