So, I actually managed to get some much needed sleep. My lovely fiancé was really great and looked after bubs downstairs for 5 hrs while I slept. Much to my surprise I actually did manage to sleep that whole time, which was such a relief. I feel more content today. Which is nice. As, compared to the previous 5 days, where as you’ll know, I was feeling so low. I think blogging helped, as did talking to my midwife about my feelings. Clearly I needed some way to vent about what I have been going through.

I think though, if I find I am suffering of PND(postnatal depression) long term, that I will make a point of contacting PND Wellington, about attending a PND support group.

I talked to someone at Maternal Mental Health about whether I can access them, but they seem to want to avoid handing me over to them, due to me being under Community Mental Health. Which is frustrating. As like I told them, I do not find my support person there very supportive or compassionate and she just is not the right person for me. They said they would have to chat to her though, my support person, which is fine, but I told them I no longer want contact from her. Kind of not happy about the whole thing.

Just wanted to say, regarding my bubs, I do love him so very much, despite what I have been feeling. Which is why I felt so distraught. As I think he’s such a darling little boy. So feeling all those negative emotions messed with my head a lot. And I felt such a sense of guilt, feeling that way. I do fear feeling that low again. As my emotions seem to go all over the place lately. But getting a good 5 hrs uninterrupted sleep has helped for sure. I actually spent a few hours this morning just having him sleep on me, while I just relaxed on the couch. It was really nice. And I felt such a sense of love and pride in him.

Boy, I so did not expect this mix of emotions post pregnancy. I expected to feel positive and relieved and happy. So those bad feelings of the past 5 days took me by surprise. Though, a traumatic labour did not help, that’s for sure.

I’ve added a picture below of my little family.

Right, I think that was all I wanted to post about. Thanks for reading 🙂

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