Right, so since my last post, I have only had one major down. Which was I think a few days after the last post.

It came about over the whole car seat business again, with my toddler. See we were trying the full booster seat with the normal seat belt and that went ok for a few days. But then she started being difficult and trying to get out of the seat belt or just not sit in her seat properly, which is dangerous. I explained to her this is not safe, but she doesn’t listen…but how many strong-willed toddlers do? Anyway, I had to stop the car at least once to put her back in her seat properly and she continued the business of not sitting properly again to Kindy. That stressed me out. I had issues several times this particular day with her and the car seat. Not fun. Anyway, bribery worked a few times regarding getting her to comply. But when it came time to go pick my fiance up from work, she just wasn’t behaving and I could not get her to stay in the seat, though I tried several times. I just lost it and yelled, slammed the car door, yelled some more. Took both the children inside and went upstairs while losing it and had a big panic attack. Which hasn’t happened for ages. I called my fiance and asked if he could get a ride home. Little did I know he couldn’t and I didn’t get to the phone in time to answer, when he had called. So after 90 minutes, I was wondering why he wasn’t home. Turns out, he couldn’t find a ride and had to walk home. I offered to go get him from where he had walked to so far, but he said no. I was really not in a condition to drive soon after my panic attack. So, he came home, pretty annoyed, went upstairs and slept for the next 90 minutes. Which of course left me feeling pretty miserable.

On that particular day, I was just so very over everything, that I wished I could be committed to a mental institution for the duration of my pregnancy. As I could no longer handle the stress of my everyday life and all that was thrown my way. I did call my Mum and had a chat, which was good.

So, I have kind of fixed the car seat issue, by putting the full harness back on the seat. You see it’s a convertible full booster seat. Which is suitable from about 2 1/2 years old. So you have the harness at first, then later move to the seat belt on the full booster and then when they are school age, you can remove the back to make it a 1/2 booster. Very clever and great investment! Anyway, I figured, yes I may get some resistance from little miss stubborn and I may have to force her into being clipped in, but at least I know she is safe! So we have our good and not so good times with putting the harness back on. But I can relax at knowing she is at least safe.

Ok, so things have been better since last weeks dramas. Only thing I wasn’t so happy about was, I sold our old bed, which is nearly 2 years old, on Trade Me. It had several watchers and interest and someone used the Buy Now, to buy it after it being only listed for about 4 hours. But, when I saw the persons feedback, I was like, hmm, not sure how I feel about that. As they have 26 negative feedbacks and that’s about every 3rd or 4th feedback on purchases. Purchases they never completed or picked up. They tend to muck around most traders and then get annoyed at the negative feedback, which they deserve. Who knows why they do this. Clearly they have no conscience. So, I was surprised that they replied to my email straight away and organized pick up for Saturday at 3pm. Well, that’s the last I heard from them. Saturday came and went, they made no contact, they aren’t replying to emails. Leaving me pretty pissed off, as our car was on empty and we only had 80 cents. Totally stuffed us up this trade not going through. As it kind of sucks when you really want to leave the house, but you can’t, due to no money or petrol. And waiting around for a no show, yeah, not cool! So I was stressing about how I would get my fiance to work, my toddler to Kindy and my older daughter to school.

Saturday wasn’t the best day, as I asked my fiance nicely, to vacuum. He got shitty and got up and did, while banging and crashing the vacuum around. Which I found quite upsetting. I talked to him about all this later. Simply explaining how his actions made me feel. How it’s good that I communicate my feelings and needs when they come up, rather then not and them bottling up and me ending up snapping and being irrational and insulting. He’s like, whose telling you all this crap? I said, some of it is just what I know and have learned over the years through therapy and he’s like, you’re not qualified, stop psychologying me. Had to laugh at that. I just continued to explain, why me talking calmly and asking for what I need and communicating my feelings is the best thing to do and why. So he listened, as he does, giving no feedback, as he does. I also explained why I had lost the plot a bit earlier in the week and how his actions or lack of, left me feeling and how I want some reassurance he actually cares about me and loves me. His response, “I don’t have feeling or emotions. Let alone talk about them”. I’m like, “yeah, you do. Frustration and anger are both feelings”. Anyway, he heard me, all seems fine now. He’s not much one for big time communication. But hey, he chilled out and all seems good. I also said, how I feel it is not helpful to us or our relationship, the fact his parents don’t offer support and how I feel that is really important and that area lacking, is not good for us. I feel I get more support from my Mum who lives in Australia. And when I chatted to her the other day, like I mentioned above, I told her how I appreciate her support and how much I respect her.

So, Sunday, it was going fine. But my toddler had an allergic reaction to some drinking chocolate. We had to call Healthline, who then called the ambulance. As within 15 minutes of her drinking it, she got an itchy head and face, her eyes went gunky, she developed a rash on her face and chest and then after 30 minutes, fell asleep and we couldn’t wake her properly. My fiance(her Dad) went with her in the ambulance and once they were seen, they gave her antihistamine and sent them home and said that I should take her to the GP today. She was ok after all this and slept well. Though she woke this morning with her eyes unable to open, due to the gunk in her eyes. This is apparently where the body tries to expel the toxins. GP has referred her to Pediatric outpatients, so hopefully we don’t have to wait ages for an appointment. The likely allergen is Tapioca we think. So I was a bit stuck with how to get them home from the hospital last night. And I tried to find someone to get them home, with no success, as it did end up being quite late by the time they were finished. So I had to risk running out of petrol to go pick them up. But at least I knew I had Roadside Rescue if the car did run out of petrol. But surprisingly, with the gauge on ‘E’ and fuel light flashing on and off most of the drive there and back, I got there and back. I thank God for that and yes I did have a pray before I left to venture out. She’s doing well today, fell asleep while playing on her sister’s tablet. I had to pick her sister up from school an hour early, as her poor sister had been vomiting at school.

Well, at least I feel needed. So I think I am doing pretty well since my last breakdown in mental health. I requested a refund for my success fee, from the auction that didn’t get completed, blacklisted that buyer and sent a fixed price offer to those who had been watching the auction before it closed. And to my delight, 20 minutes after doing this, someone accepted the fixed price offer, someone with all positive feedback and contacted me straight away. So yay for that!

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