Well, currently I am actually feeling quite good and positive.

Though I have been having a few bouts of depression and hopelessness in the last few weeks if I am to be honest.

I find pregnancy can be pretty draining at this end. I’m just over 6 months pregnant now. I am getting quite tired and rather achy and this seems to increase each week. And at times I have been sick. And I find when I am sick, as in having to throw up, I get even more drained and emotional and end up feeling quite down. I did start off with a bit of a head cold and that was really draining me physically and emotionally and then I got over that, but was still suffering due to my body being so fatigued with being unwell, plus pregnancy.

I don’t like feeling hopeless and depressed and disinterested in things that usually I enjoy. I don’t like feeling low for extended periods of time.

But yes, this is life and this does happen with me sometimes. I know I will get through it and I have. It’s just so draining!

I think I found the last week quite hard, as I was still getting over being ill and my youngest started Kindy(preschool) last week. Which was a big adjustment for her and me. The first day was fine, as she was excited to be there. But from Tuesday to Thursday it was a bit harder. So leaving her there was difficult at times, depending on her mood and picking her up as well. I didn’t end up leaving her there on Friday, just ended up bringing her home, as she wasn’t in the mood to stay, which is fine. Nearly 5 days of Kindy is a big adjustment for a 3 year old who has never been to Kindy. The reason picking her up is a mission is a good reason though, she enjoys being there so much she doesn’t want to leave. It’s just been a bit weird for me, not having her here for 4 hours nearly 5 days a week and having to be more organized in the morning. And she does make it hard some days, as she’s a stubborn little girl and doesn’t really like getting dressed in the morning. So mornings have been a bit more stressful. I am hoping this whole process gets easier. As some days I just want to stick to my usual routine and comfort zone and just have her home with me.

I do feel encouraged by the fact I am a support and can be a support to my good friends. So when they are having a hard time, they can talk to me and I can either just listen, if that’s what they need or offer helpful advice and support in general. It is a nice feeling being needed and being able to support others. I think it speaks volumes about the quality of person you are, if you have a few people who can turn to you and are comfortable with you in that way. It means a lot to me, that I am valued in that way. As I do care for others a lot, even if that does means putting them first, ahead of myself. I only put them first because they deserve it and they appreciate it. I tend not to have much tolerance for people who just use me when it suits them. It also means a lot to me, that they as friends are people I can turn to as well, when I am having a hard time. That is what real friendship and support is. A mutual respect and a two way street. As we don’t need people in our lives who just take and never give back. That just leaves us feeling deflated and discouraged.

I feel, even if some people feel like that don’t have any friends who they physically see. You can still have friends and support online and those connections are valuable. So if you feel like you don’t have any real friends, just because you don’t see people and socialize outside of the internet, you do still have friends online and support online, until you are able to make connections with people offline. So don’t dismiss the supportive people you know online, as they are still friends. What I am trying to say is, you have support, even if it may just be online for now and that is valuable and that is something. I myself have quite a few friends online, who I have never met and may never meet. It doesn’t make them any less important or valuable to me.

One thing I really like seeing is, when people I care about make a big, though scary change to their life, which means a better life for them. When they put their needs first and as a result, their life improves dramatically. I think that is awesome. And I know how scary change is. I am really happy for them and proud.

Ok, I have written a fair amount now. I am hoping it all makes sense. I do sometimes think, ok, I know what I’m trying to say, but is it understood by others. I hope so.

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