Yes this certainly is a surprise!

To me, as well as others.

I’m pregnant.

Why is this a surprise. Well, because I was supposed to be getting my tubes tied last week. So this was not planned at all. But clearly this means I am now not getting my tubes tied.

I’ve not really had the energy to come blog since I found out. Which was a few weeks ago.

I’m currently 6wks + 4 days. And all is well with baby. As I had a scan last week and got to see what will resemble a baby more so in weeks to come. Looks more like a bean LOL! And it has a good heartbeat of 120bpm.

So I’m due next year, 8th August 2013.

This baby is making me rather ill though. I’ve had to get some pretty hard out anti-nausea medication to help. As I was being so sick, regularly and feeling pretty miserable. Ending up in tears several times a day. Simply due to being SO drained and feeling weak and really unwell.

With my 1st I only had nausea and no other crappy symptoms and with my 2nd I had nausea and vomiting, but not like this. It was bearable.

Yeah, as you can imagine I have had the good old swings of hormones and emotions. That’s always fun…

Today I have still been particularly unwell, even with taking the anti-nausea tablets.

Hopefully this won’t last all of the first 3 months. As I’d like to actually feel excited, instead of miserable.

The morning sickness and vomiting starting early, at 5 weeks.

I was in shock when I took the test and it was positive. As was my fiance. He tried to blame me, for him not using condoms. Hmm, ok…

He asked what I planned to do. To which I told him, that I’m not willing to screw up my life and mental health and risk losing the plot over something I will forever regret, so we’ll cope. The short story of that, is in reference to the fact that in my late 20’s, when I was single, I had an abortion and that messed up my mental health and has continued to plague me with guilt on and off for years and mental health problems. So yeah, I was not willing to go down that path ever again. The fact I ever went down the path is hard enough, as I was always anti-abortion and I am a Christian. Though, granted, not the best one.

I got suicidal back then. And when I was trying to conceive my youngest, I had to stop trying for a while, due to the guilt and shame and feeling like I didn’t deserve to have another baby, due to that choice back then. And I got pretty depressed back then too.

My reasons for having an abortion years ago were, my mental health, total lack of support, the fact I’d been drinking heavy and taking party pills and knowing my daughter(I only had 1 child back then), whom I was a solo Mum to, would lose out and not have a good time, due to me as her parent, losing the plot and not being able to cope with my situation.

Anyway, enough about that, it’s depressing.

My fiance is no longer in shock. Yay! And has accepted that we are having another baby. And seems to be happy about it.

Still feeling yuck today. So will try take it easy and do as little as possible.

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