Strength. Really glad I have it right now.

I feel like I’ve had a few curve balls thrown at me in the last few days.

Trying not to let it all wear me down. Trying to make sure I keep myself ‘up’. As it would be easy to go downhill right now.

I’m both hurt and angry.

I feel like I have been painted in a very negative light. Being told, by others opinions and experiences with me, that I’m not such a great person. That I effect others well-being negatively.

Hmm, pretty sure we are all response for our well-being. So it’s pretty unfair to put that blame on me.

It’s like, I am being made out to be this negative, pessimistic person.

I am not either!

That sharing my feelings is a burden to others.

I don’t know aye. I try to be encouraging and positive.

But sometimes I get depressed and I do feel discouraged. But I keep trying to remind myself, it will improve, it always improves.

I am having many moments of anger and upset, at knowing I am be viewed in a negative way.

No matter how confident I may be and how good my self esteem is, I am still human and I have feelings and they still get hurt.

All this is tipping me into feeling not so great and a little depressed. Though I’m trying not to let it faze me.

I got removed from a support group I was in, because of how I am perceived and the effect I apparently have on others.

I have been labelled as having ‘overtly negative behaviour towards others’, accused of ‘effecting the well being of others’ and a few other things.

These are the reasons I have been given specifically for being removed from this support group “specific reasons why – and what I mean by negative behaviour, is that even though your intentions are well meaning and that your heart is in the right place – some people are finding that your expressions about the problems that you are experiencing too much for them to handle – so much so, that it is over bearing, intrusive and making others feel even worse than before they joined the group. There is a fine line between seeking support – and unloading onto others where it makes people feel uncomfortable. There is also some issues of unwanted attention and over reaching effort by trying to do too much, too fast and too soon.”

And this is what a completely separate person said about me “obviously I don’t know the circumstances and I’d rather say these things in person than in public but I have seen you in the centre of multiple issues of conflict – particularly online.
As someone who has struggled with ongoing long-term/chronic depression I know how that is and I actually had to stop myself from inviting drama, causing it or continuing it on because conflict brings stress into my life and most of it is unnecessary.
Often depression makes us irritable and angry and interferes with our relationships. I know that you have denied this in the past and it seems always it’s the other person’s fault. My suggestion is to stop and have a think about whether this is a pattern and whether it’s related to your depression and something you need to work on.
I’m saying this totally with your best interests at heart, and having been in the same situation.
No doubt you will have a lot of reasons as to why this is not your fault”

This person, doesn’t know me at all. Isn’t a friend or someone I have ever met. These ‘multiple online conflicts’ this person refers to is about a thread I created maybe 2 years ago, about social cliques, in a parenting forum.

This thread I created, was due to me being over friends online feeling hurt and/or excluded due to these cliques and therefore resulting in some leaving the forum or the coffee groups as a result.

I was never nasty or attacking in this thread. I got plenty of crap from people who didn’t appreciate me making this thread, both publicly and privately.

This is all in the past and back then, I had to ask for the thread to be removed, due to the abuse I was receiving. I was over this years ago. So someone bringing that up, is pointless.

Hey, you stand up for others or something, you make enemies. That’s life. But at least I stand up for things.

Maybe all that stuff is true of that person, but it’s not true of me.

I am not trying to make the people who sent me those emails look bad, by putting some of what has been written to me in this post. I’m just trying to make it easier to understand what has lead me to feeling this way.

So I’m sure it can be understood why I feel so hurt.

I will accept what has been said, has been said and that it is just the perception and opinion of others. I do not need to accept it as truth or let it define me or effect me.

All I know is, like it says in one of the above emails, my heart was in the right place and my intentions were good.

It is unfortunate this has all happened and that some people feel that way.

Now I will try move on from this.

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