Couldn’t think of any other name for my post. Don’t want to use the same post heading over and over.

My life, is good. I may be a shit sometimes and spend all our money, when I shouldn’t and therefore, that creates stress, when random expenses come up and it’s never good for my relationship and then, after the feel good moments after spending, there is always the guilt. I’m one of those people who sometimes spends to cheer myself up and pretend like I’m not as poor as I am. Though in my defense, I do buy things that are heavily discounted or from an Op Shop.

I’ve not got very far in reading the ” ‘You’-Inside the Mum ” handbook yet. But what I have read has been helpful and eye-opening. I participated in the November webinar about ‘overcoming depression and motherhood stress’ (not sure if that is the exact title) I also have the ebook of the ‘Happy Mum Handbook’ So, at some point, after I finish that ” ‘You’-inside the Mum ” handbook, I’ll start on that.

I feel I’m quite hard on myself, regarding my moods and losing my temper and getting teary and stuff. Like, because I had been doing really well mood wise after watching the first webinar, I thought that would continue, the good moods and the ability to cope and deal with life. But, realistically, I can’t really expect just watching a webinar, which is only a small piece of the whole system to be an instant fix. That being why I brought those 2 ebooks. But, I tend to get over my teariness, moodiness, anger, frustration sooner and go back to feeling more calm sooner. So that’s an improvement. I just have to try and take ownership of my feelings more and assess what got me to that moody place and that helps. Not analyzing doesn’t help. So I have to try keep myself in check.

I find being slack diet wise doesn’t help my mood a whole lot and been significantly lacking on the exercise front has a major effect too. So, I’m VERY glad when the sun comes out, as I tend to usually get some walking in. Just rather over this nutty weather.

My darling Annabelle is sitting on the couch with her dolly, watching Smurfs and cuddling her doll. SO CUTE!

I’ve stopped taking anti-depressants again. As they were making me fully fatigued, all the time and no matter what I did or didn’t do, I would still be totally exhausted. Plus they were making my sick, literally. So I’m now taking ‘New Era(tissue salts) for Nervous Tension & General debility’ and ’30-Plus’ tablets. Which I’ll admit, when I saw the name, I thought they were just for women who are ’30 Plus’. But, I think most people thought that too. I’ve found them much better. ’30 Plus’ is good for the following issues:

– Nervous Tension
– Emotional Outbursts
– Anger
– Irritability
– Weepiness
– Stress
– Lack of Energy
– Mood Swings

It’s works by correcting/helping the imbalance caused my hormonal contraceptives. I saw the ad for them in a ‘Good Health’ magazine and was like, yup, I have all those issues. And Braiden, who was noseying over my shoulder and reading that same page, was like “that sounds just like you!” So, being we had some spare money a few weeks ago, I brought them. Think I’ll need to save up for the next lot. They are $38.50.

The tissue salts I take, they are supposed to be quite good for helping the adrenal gland work properly, which causes the fatigue you get from many anti-depressants and from being generally depressed. As, apparently, your adrenal gland gets really over-used/drained when you are depressed or anxious and that makes you fatigued and anti-depressants don’t have anything in them to help the adrenal gland.

I still have issues with wondering why no-one ever visits us. I know people really love the comfort of their own homes. I get that. But, it’s exhausting being the one who always puts in the effort to see your friends. I do love being out of the house too. But it seems, people would rather just stay at home and have people come to them. I try not to take it as any kind of rejection of me as a person. I just can’t help wondering, why they can put in the effort for other people and not for me. I guess it just really frustrates me that I put time and effort into seeing my friends and sure, they invite me to visit them. But I feel like it’s about time people return the favour. I think many of us, struggle with the desire to be liked and accepted. So when you meet people and they just don’t have any interest in knowing you any further. It makes you wonder, why. Because you know you are a worthy person, likable, genuine and worth the effort and that people would benefit by having a person such as you in their life. And you find yourself wondering, why they wouldn’t want someone like you in their lives. I guess in time, I might stop caring. I do constantly remind myself, that it’s their loss, not mine. But yeah. Guess that comes from growing up with no self-esteem, confidence, very little self-worth and being picked on and rejected through out school years. That is a fairly big portion of your life to just get over. And, in time, I will. I am so much more assertive, positive, more confident now days. So I should just hold onto that, instead of fault finding and focusing on where I’m lacking.

On a completely un-related subject. I feel I’ve made up my mind regarding babies. I feel like, I’m quite happy with the 2 I have. I’d just like Braiden to let me know he’s on the same page. As I know being on contraceptives has always been bad for my moods and depression. So if I could just get my tubes tied and be done with it, I could go back to being in a more natural state, hormone wise. Plus maybe, that last few kgs might finally leave! I find contraception always makes the weight loss journey, that much slower. I just want to know Braiden is on-board with the no more babies thing is all. Plus, the public waiting list for getting your tubes tied is quite long and the sooner you get on it, the better. I guess, there’s always that fear, in the back of your mind, that, what if you lost one of your children, then your family would feel incomplete. But, having another baby, if that happened, wouldn’t fix things.

Still getting on Braiden’s case every now and then about trying to get a bloody proposal! I told him, I don’t need a ring. I just want the commitment. I mean, how many women are that relaxed about it?! Really? Most women want a ring. I’m willing to compromise on that.

So yeah, that’s where my head is at or has been at recently. I’m content enough. Not too happy with my 2.5kgs weight gain and my jeans being rather tight. But that was totally my fault! I just get annoyed with losing that same weight, over and over again. And yeah, being a lover of food, being consistently healthy has it’s moments. But at least, I’ve used some commonsense this time. I was thinking of doing the Lemon Detox Diet, as I’m desperate to get to my goal weight. But then I researched it and it turns out that, yes, you will lose the weight, but once you resume regular eating, it will all go back on.

I do wonder if anyone still reads this, other then me. As I’ve had no comments for ages. But then again, I’ve not blogged much lately and I get that my posts are long, so it takes a bit of time to sit down and read them completely.