So here I am, stuck at home.  As the car is on empty.  i’ve put a message on fb, hoping someone will take me up on the offer to come visit.  if not, well, I will be bored as hell!

But, today I feel good and my mood is good.  The weekend just been on the other hand.  I was in a foul mood!  Mainly due to disrupted sleep.  As Annabelle seems to be waking a few hours after going to bed for the night, around 12:30am or 1am or 2am.  So being I’ve been the one getting up to her, that’s been seriously disrupting my sleep.  And if it’s not her, it’s Max(the cat), meowing and scratching at the door.  Grr to him!  But I love him, despite him waking me.  But yeah, not getting a decent, undisrupted sleep is really not good, for anyone.  So yup, been a moody bitch this weekend passed.

Braiden and I have had a couple of arguments.  Which makes me quite upset.  First time, he’d had 1 9% RTD and kicked Sophie off my computer, due it it making his precious game lag.  So I told her he was sulking.  He then went nuts at me, telling me I spend all his money and when I told him it’s not acceptable talking to me like that, he says, “why don’t you just leave then”.  I just told him to stop being such a prick and stop being so disrespectful.  He calmed down eventually.  As I just stopped talking and went and kept myself busy.  And then yesterday, I got in a mood, due to hitting my ankle with the vacuum cleaner and then started going off at Braiden for not helping with the housework ever.  Then off course, he’s like “go do my job then!” and I’m like, “no!  You need to appreciate all that I do, do at home and you never do!” and he’s like, “you only do housework on the weekend”, which is not true, I do it everyday!  And I kept saying, “no, I do it everyday!” and he kept saying “no you don’t!”.  So that went back and forth for a few mins and then he lost it.  Hit his computer table a few times, threw something and kicked a bucket and slammed the door and went upstairs.  Eventually he fell asleep and cooled down.  But I did say, all I want is some appreciation and it’s important that I am on some occasions acknowledged, as Annabelle needs to see her dad, being kind to her mum or she’ll not know, for when she’s an adult, what a decent man looks like.  As he is her role model in that area.   All that stuff, about him being a role model and such and showing and expressing affection, was told to him by the relationship counsellor.  So I was expressing my frustration, at it seemingly going in one ear and out the other, when I was telling him all this.  And I do know all that stuff to be very true.  As my dad died when I was 2 yrs old and therefore, I had no male role model, to show me how I should be treated or to protect me and to tell me I’m worthy and help my self esteem.  So I did end up making many bad choices, relationship wise, was rather promiscuous, due to looking for any kind of male affection or acceptance.  And my self esteem and confidence was really low growing up.  I’ve only become more confident in the last few years.  I did apologise to him for doing my nut at him, like I did.  As he had just looked after the kids for 2 hrs, while I slept in.  Sorry I told him, it was not fair for me to not acknowledge that firstly.  So hopefully he’s over that crap from yesterday.  I did tell him, that my mood does get pretty shocking when I’m tired and haven’t had a good nights sleep.

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