I don’t know what to class what I have is. As, is it still related to postnatal reaction after having a baby or is it just regular depression?… I don’t know.
Whichever it is, it sux!
So, I went to the doctor today and chatted about how I feel and yay, I got a doctor who listened to my wants and needs this time. Thank goodness! So they are going to try me on a different anti-d. It’s called Venlafaxine. It’s apparently quite good for people who don’t gel too well with the usual meds. So I’ll start on 1 tablet for 2 wks, then go up to 2 and then see how I feel after that and up it, if I need some more. I also talked to the doctor about the money side of visiting the doctor, somewhat regularly. Apparently there’s some funding coming up(hasn’t come into affect yet, so still have to pay for today’s appointment. $46!!!) it’s called S.I.A. So next visit, I should be able to use that to pay for appointment.
Not seeing my counsellor for over a month probably hasn’t helped much. But he’s away til mid-July. Also, WINZ funding stopped for that, so have to get counsellor to fill out an application for some more, before I can start going again.
Didn’t know this before today, but depression can cause your metabolic rate to slow. Thus being why, though I am eating well, I am losing zero weight. As, doctor said, at last check up, my thyroid levels weren’t that bad. So this moodiness and crap, has been depression related, not thyroid related. Lovely. The reason metabolic rate slows down during depression is that when you body isn’t functioning as it is, other parts of your body stop working as effectively. Good to know it’s not my fault for no weight loss. It was really pissing me off. It’s like, argh, I am eating healthy, exercising once a week(slack I know!) and my weight is just not moving!
So it seemed like, in April, I stopped the meds, things got better and were good for just over a month. Then moods went up and down, though, I was still having some good days. And then over the last month and a bit, my mood has just gone downhill. Lately, it has been between these moods: Anger, anxiety, depression and irritability. So, lately, it’s been anger big time and anxiety big time. Then, getting all emotional and crying for no reason. Today, I have spent much of the day crying. I was crying just driving to the doctor. Thinking about talking to her about my feeling, was making me cry. Oh, what a mess I have been. I really, really, really miss my family. Oh and Braiden’s family, well they are just wankers! Ok, to be fair, his sister and parents are wankers, the rest of them are ok. I hate their lack of support, how shit they are as grandparents, considering they were dying for a granddaughter and their narcissistic personalities! Oh, and they totally treat Sophie like an inconvenience and that totally hurts and angers me! She’s a sweetie and she craves love and affection(bit like her Mummy)
With my moodiness(anger) I’ve been going off the handle at everyone in my house, very regularly. Braiden has no idea why. He keep asking why am I so pissed off all the time. And I have no answer for him. Sophie, probably feels rejected and like she can’t do anything right(though this is not the case) and Annabelle is probably wondering what is going on. And damn, even the Missy(our cat) is scared of me! When I start yelling, she starts meowing and wanting outside. Sometimes during my tantrums, I throw things, though not at anyone. I just want to let all this anger out and break things. I’m just so angry! And why? I don’t know. Why am I so angry? What do I have to be so angered about? …though in asking those questions, I think some of it is lack of support from Braiden’s wankers of parents and the fact that some people in my life are self-involved, self-serving and selfish and I’m over them being like this! Damn, what money does to some people, that’s all I’m going to say. And just as a disclaimer, I don’t have this attitude about all well-off people. There are many decent and down-to-earth well-off people in the world.
So, I hope this new lot of anti-d’s work a treat and I can start feel happier soon. I’m over these mood swings! And I’m sure, so is everyone else in my house.
Thankx for reading my lovely followers. It’s good to know you care and mostly understand.
Good on you for going back to the doctor and trying some new meds. As I said before, you don’t need to suffer, just keep going on the quest to find the right meds and life balancxe and you will get there in time. We are on this journey together 🙂 hope the meds help you to feel even and not so angry. My counsellor reccomended yoga as a way to help de stress and focus on your breathing in angry/frustrated times, have you ever tried that? I cant afford classes but Im going to see about getting a book or DVD. Could be worth a shot, to have something to do when you get mad other than yell. Or whenever you feel mad, instead of yelling, exercise… if weather permits, walk and just walk until you feel better. Or skip with a skipping rope, hehe whatever you need to do to divert some of that negative energy. I find when things get too much for me I have to get out of these four walls so I walk. I really hope you start to feel better soon
no, haven’t tried Yoga. I always thought you needed to be flexible for that. Could be wrong though. Maybe it increases flexibility
Omg this made me cry this could have been my blog!!! I’m feeling the same and dh is sick of it and my weight wont shift either…how do we get out of this whole?
I suggest, depending on whether your meds are working well for you or not, going to the doctor and having them re-looked at.
I was formally on Escitalopram(loxalate) before I went off them in April. My side effects were: nausea, headaches, vertigo, sensitivity to certain lights, no sex drive and no energy.
This new one, is supposed to be great for people who have issues with the usual anti-d’s. Yeah the non-weight loss drives me mad!
And speaking of crying, I was crying most of yesterday and while writing in my diary and writing on here.
😦 hope you are feeling better soon Kelly.
I’m feeling positive, simply because I have the new meds and I’m looking forward to the possibility of feeling normalish soon.