And I have been fine, almost all of the time, except for yesterday.

I find, when lack of sleep is mixed with stress and anxiety, it’s a lethal combination for me.

I put it down to that. As my mood has not once been that foul since coming off the meds. But I found myself thinking, while I was really losing it, maybe I need to go back on meds. I just had to walk away from what was stressing me, for as long as I could. It was Annabelle and she was screaming! Not sure why, might have been teething. She was in the car you see, so while we weren’t going anywhere, I got out of the car, as her screaming was doing my head in! I wanted to throw my bottle of water at her. And gladly I didn’t. Partly because Braiden was in there and I worried what he’s think of me and how he’d react and partly, because it’s not fair on Annabelle. But man, the drive home sucked! She screamed all the way home! I got home and calmed down, had an early night and all is fine now.

I definitely think it was the sleep, most of all that tipped me. As I’ve been behind on sleep for more then a week and not managed to catch up and kept having late nights.

I think to me, meds are to me, what alcohol used to be to me, a way of coping, with what I can’t handle. I used to drink/get drunk you see, when life was shit and I was over it. So now, I start not coping, I go, I need my drugs back(meds)

I must promise myself, never to get behind on sleep like that again. It’s really, really not healthy for me or the people around me!

Also, have noticed, PMS is worse since off the meds. I feel moody, though not too moody and want to cry for no reason. Then I get my period and go, ah, that was why!

But fact is, the meds, were making me miserable and unable to focus or feel ‘normal’. And I like to have focus and feel ‘normal’.

Think a few other reasons for the stress yesterday, are, that the cars handbrake doesn’t work, we have bills, our car is driving like crap and we can’t trade in presently, as Braiden isn’t willing to and it’s his car. Plus his driving was making me anxious as hell and that wasn’t fun for me. I just like being in control of cars. I trust my driving.

Advertisements