I am, today, currently, good, happy and doing well.

Yesterday, had some really angry patches, yelled a lot, felt quite stressed and had a really big cry at some point.

Day before, feeling a bit so-so.

Rest of last week. Had it’s moments. Good ones, crap ones. But I’m still here

Though sh*t gets hard sometimes and it’s seem all so overwhelming and sometimes I want to run, instead of deal with it and cope, I do cope. I keep telling myself “yeah, this does suck, these feelings are crap, but I will be fine, even though I really don’t feel fine, I will definitely be ok!”.

Oh, and boy do I wish sometimes, I could just have a do over. Just run away from it all and start brand new, elsewhere. Problem with this thinking, I want to do it without anything in my current life, as in, without my DP and 2 girls. That’s when I know it’s getting way too much and I have to find some way to cope. As running away, is just my fear speaking and it’s just me, not wanting to live in reality and deal with reality and just live in a bit of a fake, dream world.

I don’t like dealing with some of my issues, so I try to escape my problems. But problems don’t go away, no matter how fast, how far or how long you run for. They are still there, and they still need to be dealt with.

Yeah, so these feeling are natural and the intensity may be stronger, due to coming off meds, starting a new diet and exercise. So though these things are all positive, they are all a bit of an adjustment. But it makes me happy, knowing I am actively doing something to improve my life and outlook and state of mind.

I still have these ‘wow’ moments, where I remember how my mindset used to be, where my attitude was at and how differently I see things now. I used to see no hope, no out and just doom and gloom and never saw any hope of a light at the end of the tunnel. So I’m often, just so surprised and i awe of where I am now. As this, I did not expect. But it’s great, it really is.

Yup, so that’s me. That’s how things are or have been and that’s me being real and brutally honest.

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