Well going to try a couple of new things.

Firstly, and yes, against my doctors advice…though I thought he was really being closed-minded anyway. I have decided to stop taking anti-depressants. They have too many negative side effects and I’m sick of not feeling, totally me. At first they were fine, but it seems the higher the dose and the longer I am on them, the more blunted I feel and I feel, like myself, but not totally, if that makes sense. I am sick of having no sex drive, as really, I am totally attracted to my partner, but I just don’t have any desire for sex, just the desire to actually have that desire! Also, they make me so, so nauseous! To the point were I nearly throw up every morning šŸ˜¦
The there is this weird feeling they give me, not sure if it’s vertigo or not. But often when I am sitting, I feel like either my body is shaking, or the earth is moving and same with when I am lying down, often I think there’s an earthquake and there’s not! Also, they seem to increase my anxiety somewhat, the higher the dose. Plus, when I am in rooms with fluorescent lighting, it is highly distracting and I can’t focus. The also make me really tired!

So, I am going to try the natural approach. Which is eating well, exercising, socializing and counselling. I really hope this works. I’d like to feel totally me again and in control as well.

The other area I have decided to make a change is my eating. Not a diet, just a change in the food I eat. Because, let’s face it, diet’s don’t work long term. They get the weight off, but it nearly always goes back on. So I am going to try eating the Low G.I way. As it’s said to be great for you and your energy and it’s not lacking anything essential. So I will start at some point today. I only say that, as I have Lindt Lindor chocolate, which I must finish, as it’s divine!

I am so thankful for my friends. The one’s I have online and offline. I am so thankful for my family and the supports I know have in place. Things are most definitely looking better, even if money is tight. And I am so happy, yet surprised to be able to say this. Because in the depths and despair of my PND, I saw no light at the end of the tunnel and no hope and only misery and unhappiness. I just felt like, that was my life from then on and it would never get better. So, though I may be predisposed to getting bouts of depression, I know, I can get through it.

The main thing that has been making me sad lately, is bad stuff going on in people’s lives, whom I care about deeply. I am quite empathetic(I think that’s the word) and I really feel for others through their hard times. So when things aren’t going well in their life and they are unhappy, I am saddened. But it’s a good way to be. But one thing I can guarantee is, I will never, ever be one of those insensitive people, who word things wrong, have no tact and tell people to harden up or snap out of it! That is one thing, I personally hated people doing to me. And I always live by ‘do unto others, as you would have them do unto you”. Also, you will never here me bitching and back-stabbing about people who share their emotions online. Where others usually say stuff like “I’m so sick of the whole, poor me attitude, I’m so sick of those status updates that are always moaning and negative”. Those are things I would never say or think. So if you are wondering where got such words from, go on ohbaby and look at either ‘the vent thread’ or ‘the cryptic thread’. So sick of some of the things that are said on there. There are some real bitches on there! Oh and I had to laugh, when I created a positive thread and was ripped apart for that and told “isn’t a thread where only one person posts called a blog”. To which I replied something like “correction, now you 2 have posted, it’s a total of 3 people posting and I’ve got a blog thank you and quite happy with it”.