I have been having a BAD day!  And I have no idea why!

I know I have had enough of the school holidays!

My mood has just been terrible!  I kept getting very angry with my 7 yr old and when she was being super difficult, kept wanting to throw the hairbrush at her or at her face or just hit her.  Not cool I know.

Then when I was out she was being super difficult the whole time.  While I was feeding the baby she was being a real little shit!  And if I hadn’t been feeding the baby, I would have hurt her.  I could just picture myself doing it and slamming her against the wall.  Also, not cool that I wanted to do this.  I had just had enough and was just sitting there in anger crying.  Then she locked herself in the toilet by accident in the baby change room and I was just going to take that opportunity and leave and the ONLY reason I didn’t was because I didn’t want to get arrested for such actions.

I don’t know what the hell my problem is today!  We went to Savemart to look for some clothes and she was ok for a bit, but then kept trying to push a trolley towards a nearly 1 yr old little girl in a stroller!  And earlier in the day, she kept picking her baby sister up and putting her in dangerous situations.  I know she was trying to be helpful, but she was not being safe.  And what makes matters worse is, while I am saying “no, put her down, don’t do that, put her down, no, no, no!”.  She is still doing what I have asked her not to!

I was at the point of contemplating going home and calling CYF’s and telling them how I felt and asking them to take her off me.

At times I have NO bond with her at all and other times I do have a great bond.  And when the bond is lacking, I in all honesty, wish I only had 1 child and that being the baby.  This sux to admit, but it is how I feel.  I feel like my meds aren’t working at all!  I NEED HELP!!!!

Thankfully I text her Granddad and told him where my head was at and asked him if he could take her for a few days and he has her now, for at least 2 days.  At least he could help this time, but sometimes he’s not in a position to.

So that’s my vent.  I’m not very happy right now.  I so need to get a counsellor!

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