I think something that didn’t help in my teenage years, that really effected me, was being made to feel like my feeling were not ok or acceptable and often being told ‘get over it’, ‘stop sulking’, ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’.  So I got very good at bottling up my emotions and blocking my feelings and became good at turning off the tears when people were around and putting on a mask.  Though, as a result things would build up and build up and the smallest things would set it off and result in severe bouts of depression due to this.  Plus feeling like I was a burden or my feelings were, didn’t help.  So I would not tell people I was not ok and pretend all was fine, when it really wasn’t.  I still have trouble telling people when I’m not coping, but I am getting better.  Well I usually post a note on my facebook profile or update my status to reflect my feelings.  That is my indirect/direct way of letting people know I am really not coping.  But I must admit, when I was really depressed, if people responded in the wrong way, I would block and delete them.  You always get the people who say ‘life is good, others have it worse, just get over it’.  And I’m like ‘argh!  Don’t you think if it was that easy, I would just do that?!!!’  I usually calm down and comment that it is a chemical imbalance and it’s not just a matter of snapping out of it.

Recently I had started feeling severely drained, tired and just utterly crap again.  Had my thyroid levels checked again and yup, they are really low again.  So have been told to take more tablets, so I hope to feel better in my body too soon.  And hopefully when I have more energy, I can get back into exercising.  As that benefits my mind and body and I’m really not into my pre-pregnancy body either!

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